It's Our Secret

Chapter 24 - Mad

The game against Chile went very well. Ellen scored a brace, and we all played fluently. Obviously a few more goals would've been nice, but we were just happy with the three points in the end.

As we headed back to the hotel room, I walked alongside Leah, as Keira and Lucy were ahead of us.

"You guys okay?" Leah asked, in reference to me and Keira.
"I think so," I replied, "I mean, she's been weird but I probably have been too."
Our hands slightly brushed against each other's, and I looked at her, and laughed. All I wanted was to grab her hand and hug her tight, to give each other the reminder of the weeks before the Olympics.
"I miss you," I said to her.
"I'm right here," she answered.
"I miss not being able to hold your hand, and kiss you good night." She smiled, and wrapped her arm around my shoulder, a friendly gesture rather than a romantic one.
"Only a little while longer."

I knew I needed to talk to Keira. We couldn't both continue as we had been. So, after we had tea, and were in our rooms, I secretly went over to hers. I knocked on the door, and she opened it.
"You alright?" She asked. I walked in, without asking, and collapsed on her bed.
"I'm tired." I was laying on my stomach, with my head resting on the duvet. She came beside me, and lay on her stomach also. We used to do this all the time, when I was living in Manchester. We used to lay on the bed, and just talk, for hours on end.
"You're being weird," I said to her.
"Ettie, I literally am not. You are. I can tell." I shook my head.
"No, Keira, I'm not. Why do you think that anyways?"
"Because," she started to reply, "something happened in London and even though I might've lost a little of my twin telepathy, I can still feel it." I knew what she meant, even if it wasn't too clear.
"Kie," I started to say, before she interrupted me.
"After you went through the crap in 2018 and 2019, with the eating disorder and the other stuff, I did lose a bit of my innate understanding of you, but I can still feel it."
"I know," I replied, "I know what you mean."
"We're twins, Ett, I feel you and you feel me."
"I know! Kie, I know!"
"Then tell me what happened all those years ago, please!" My thought process was that if I told her what happened then, maybe it would disguise what was truly happening now. Although, what happened back then, I knew, wasn't something she was going to take lightly. She would be mad. Mad that I hid something from her that I never should have.

Three years earlier

Hayley had just come over from Portland after her season had finished, and as I went to meet her at the airport, I was so excited to see my girl after so many months apart. Over the last few months, I had been struggling. My new diagnosis was impacting me, and everything felt as if it was falling apart again, even if the situation wasn't exactly the same. But, I knew I had something to look forward to. I knew that Hayley was coming to Manchester.

"Ettie!" Hayley called out, as she walked through the gates at the airport. She ran over to me, wrapping her arms around my neck, so tight. I had to try my best not to collapse, not because Hayley was heavy, but rather I was so weak.
"I've missed you," I said to her, before kissing her. I grabbed her suitcase, and linked my hand with hers. As we were walking, I saw her looking at me, and that made me even more aware of how much I had changed, appearance wise. The skin around my face had got tighter, and suddenly my muscular legs had turned thin.
But, she didn't say anything. She was just glad that we were back in the same country, the same city.

"You excited to watch me play?" I asked her, cheekily.
"Yes, very," she replied, as I drove us back to my apartment. "How's the other Walsh?"
"Kie's good," I answered, "she's excited that you're back." I laughed when I said this, knowing Keira was happy Hayley was going to be living with me. Keira tried her best, to make sure that I was eating and not over exercising, which annoyed me slightly, as I am 21, and in a sense, thought I was stubborn enough that I could look after myself. And, my life had returned slightly back to normal, although a lot had changed that no one knew of over the last few months.

As we arrived back at my place, I felt so happy to have someone with me. We crashed on the couch, and I leant into her, so relieved that I felt her presence with me again.

The following weeks were great. I was with Hayley and everything felt settled, until she finally brought up the things I never wanted her to.
"Ettie," she said, after I had come home from a Manchester City game. I was subbed off in the 54th minute, after the manager knew I could no longer hold myself up on my two legs, "I need to talk to you." I looked at her worried, and went and sat beside her. "What's happening?"
"What do you mean?" I asked naively.
"Please don't play the oblivious game. What has happened over the last few months?"
"Nothing's happened!"
"Ettie!"
"I've just lost my appetite."
"Why?"
"I don't know, Hales, I just have!"
"Ettie, I..." Hayley said, before I cut her off.
"I'm not something you have to worry about!"
"Of course you are, Ettie. You're my girlfriend, and when I haven't seen you in three months, and I come back, and you look different, of course I'm going to worry. What's caused this? Stress?"
"No, no, nothing like that."
"Then what?" I felt my stomach start to drop, and I started pacing around the room.
"I went to the doctor, a few months ago," I started to say, "I had finally put the weight back on, from after the eating disorder, but I noticed something was happening again. I lost my appetite, and something's wrong with me."
"What do you mean?"
"My chest started hurting, my fitness was decreasing."
"What does that mean?" Hayley asked, very worried. I wanted to keep this a secret, from everyone, including Hayley and my family, but I couldn't lie anymore. I just couldn't. Not from Hayley.
"Something's wrong with my heart."
"Like physically or emotionally."
"Physically."
"What?" I never wanted to tell Hayley. Her brother had been diagnosed with a heart disease when she was younger, and he had to go through a lot of surgeries because of it. I didn't want her to feel as if this thing kept following her around.
"I'm sorry. I never wanted you to find out this way."

Present

"Keira," I said to her, "You'll hate me."
"No, I won't."
"Yes you will."
"No, I promise, I won't." I sat up, and looked straight, and as she got up from the bed, she looked me in the eyes, "tell me."
"You should probably sit for this."