It's Our Secret

Author's Note

Hey guys, thank you so much for all coming along on the journey of Juliette Walsh with me. It frazzles me how many people started tuning in and reading this story, and I'm so grateful for all the love I've had on this story.

I thought, just to wrap it up, I would answer some commonly asked questions and thoughts that you guys might be having surrounding the story. I obviously think that all you readers can have your own interpretation on what happened, but I do want to just explain some things and why I chose to write the story this way. So, if you want to read, then go right ahead.

Why did I kill Ettie?

This is probably the main question you guys have all been having, and to be honest, I understand why. Not normally do authors decide to kill their protagonist especially if the whole novel is in first person.

But, I thought I might just explain my reasoning. I knew fairly early on that this ending was going to be different to Only Friends. Only Friends' ending was happy, and Indi got to go off and live her dreams, winning awards and becoming the best player in the world. I wanted to show that that can't happen to all protagonists. I wanted to show that sometimes not everyone can get their happily ever after.

Also, this was set to be a Leah story. I think we all know that. But when I started diving more into Ettie's relationship with Hayley, I realised how much Hayley loved Ettie, just as much as Leah did. And additionally, all you guys were torn between the two. Some loved Hayley and Ettie, and others loved Leah and Ettie, and as I read all your comments, I knew that it was going to be a hard thing to make everyone happy... so I made no one happy instead. HAHHA just kidding.

My intention from the beginning was always going to be that Ettie wasn't going to make it, because I wanted to show that neither Leah nor Hayley were her soulmate, and it was always Keira. Being a twin myself, I know that the connection you have with your sibling is something extraordinary, and even if there are arguments and disagreements or long periods of time where you don't see each other or talk to each other, your twin is always the person you are going to spend your life with. So, I knew that that was always going to happen. Ettie was never going to make it to her dreams, but rather, Keira was going to achieve them in memory of her twin.

Did Ettie know she was going to die? As the narrator, did she keep that information to herself?

I think it's hard to say for certain. First person narrators are intentionally biassed. You can never fully trust a first person narrator because they can only see the world through their own lenses. I think Ettie knew her heart was bad. She was always bringing it up, but she was also stubborn. Incredibly stubborn. She had goals and dreams that were bigger than herself, and she wanted to win. She died trying to win.

Ettie's letter, I think, shows that she knew. She knew her heart was bad, and she didn't narrate when she wrote it because she didn't want to admit to herself that she was most likely not going to make it. And I very intentionally placed it in that book, because when she first read the inscription, she said that she could "only think about how strong a love that must've been. For a love to shine so bright that no one could falter it." And although at first she thought that love was Hayley or Leah, she soon realised that that love was Keira. That love was her soul mate's love.

Ettie said that "I've had two great loves in my life - Hayley and Leah. Both of which are their own unique love story." But when she went on the journey of finding her "soulmate", she soon came to understand that the love that burns within her, is the love she has for keira. And all the other loves are second to that.

What happened after? Did Leah find love again?

Well, I purposefully left this up for interpretation. Although both Hayley and Leah were incredibly hurt and went through a lot of grief, they handled it differently. Hayley knew she was going to go on living, and do that in memory of Ettie. She became an amazing player, and rekindled her relationship with Izzy. I think I wrote Hayley to do that not because she wasn't as affected by the death of Ettie, but rather it shows that she needed to find peace with what happened and the best way for her to do that was to find love again. To find comfort in someone who gave her security.