It's Our Secret

Chapter 47 - A Year

A lot of people questioned why I left City when I did. My sister, my parents, my teammates. But I knew it was the right thing to do. I had already been through so much and it was time for the change no one knew I needed. Leaving was probably the easiest decision I had ever made, now that I look back on it. At the time, I thought I was deciding between myself or my family, but I've now realised I was deciding between support or neglect. Encouragement or exploitation.

I talked to Sarina and Leah a few days after we went into camp. I was cleared to play, and thankfully my heart hadn't been acting up. Sarina was worried, as she likes to think of me as one of her most consistent players.

"So, you have a year?" Sarina asked, her Dutch accent peaking through.

"I have a year to prove to my doctors that I can manage everything," I replied.

"A year's a long time," Leah said, trying to be hopeful, "a lot can happen in a year." I nodded, knowing she was just trying to comfort me. I was sitting beside Leah, on the couch, across from Sarina. There was a perfect amount of space between us for me to reach over and grab her hand, but I didn't. I couldn't.

"So, I can play you this weekend, right?" Sarina asked.

"Yeah, I'm all good." Sarina smiled in relief, and so too did Leah.

When Leah and I exited the room, she held me back just outside the door.

"Thank you for being open with us, Ett," Leah said, looking at me sympathetically.

"Well, there's no point hiding it when most people know."

"I know," Leah replied, "but still." I was about to walk off, when I knew I wanted to say something else.

"Sometimes, Lee, secrets aren't worth it. Sometimes the truth can actually be the best form of healing. I've learnt that the hard way." With that, I left.

We played Norway first. Our games at Wembley normally attract large crowds, and now that we are starting to prepare for the World Cup, we needed all the home support we could get.

"Okay," Sarina said in the change room, "this will be a tough game. Norway is growing, and is very good. But I want everyone to push forward. We cannot get complacent in attack. Okay, Ellie in goals. I want Lucy and Juliette at right back and left back, and Millie and Alex as the center backs. Can I also have Leah, Keira and Georgia in the middle, and Fran, Ellen and Beth at the top."

When I looked over to Leah, I saw her looking back. I'm not sure why I looked at her. But, when our eyes locked, something clicked within me. Something happened. Something sparked.

I tried to let it go, but it was hard. Maybe, it wasn't all supposed to end.

Just as I was about to walk out, I checked my phone, to see a headline that made my heart drop.

India Harrison in Australia after the Death of Father and Sporting Legend, John Harrison, and set to miss Matildas big clash against Germany

I knew this would affect the whole Australian team - Sam, Hayley, and most importantly, Indi. I sent Indi a message.

Ettie: Inds, I'm so sorry about your dad. Please let me know if there is anything you need. I'm always here.

Indi: thanks etts. Currently in aus with the fam but will catch up and see you once back in london xx

"Ett, we're about to go out," Leah said to me, coming over. I quickly opened my messages to Hayley, trying to type before I really did have to go.

Ettie: heard about Indi, hoping the best for your game. Good luck.

Before I could close my phone off, Leah was over beside me. I knew she saw it was Hayley I was messaging.