It's Our Secret

Chapter 50 - The Party

It was now Christmas, and I had travelled up to Manchester to spend the time with my family. Throughout the last few weeks, everything had been intense. I had been stuck between two choices, never knowing what to do and what direction to go in. Hayley was the girl who came into my life when I needed her the most. When I was struggling, she was there. When I was hurting, she was there. There's something about Hayley that always drew me in. She was the quiet, Australian girl that everyone loved. But Leah. Leah was my childhood dream. She was the girl I first fell in love with. I had a connection with her that no one could falter. It always felt as if I was meant to end up with Leah. As if, our paths always crossed. As if fate was always on our side.

As I drove up to Manchester, I couldn't help but contemplate my entire life. Everything that had happened to me since I first started playing football for City. It's hard to even place into words what I went through. Suffering with bulimia while playing a professional sport was never on the agenda. It wasn't planned. I couldn't help but be so appalled with who I was and what I'd become. But, I do wonder, if I had the support I have now - if I had Emma and Sam and Georgia and Lucy - would it have been as bad. I knew I shouldn't think like that, but sometimes it's hard. Keira tried her best to help me, but she didn't know everything. She knew bits, and pieces. She knew I went down a bad path, but she didn't know why. She knew I did some bad things but had no understanding of what was truly going on. She thought I left City because I wanted a change and a new challenge, but in reality, it was because of the abuse I was receiving while playing for that club.

"Hey darling!" Mum shouted, as I walked through the door at my family home. Keira and Lucy had already arrived a few hours earlier and were sitting on the couch together.

"Hey guys," I said to them. They both stood up and gave me a hug, and Lucy helped me bring my things up to my room. When I stay in Manchester, I always stay in Keira and my old room. We shared a room when we were younger, despite not being forced to. We just loved being together, in the same space. In our room, both our beds are still cramped together, and the football posters line the walls. We have writing on the ceiling, and creaky carpet which always scared us at night. It is our childhood room and that will never change.

As we sat around the fireplace, trying to soak up the warmth, I was only reminded about how much I find comfort in my family. Keira, Mum, Dad and now Lucy. They show me what it's like to have security and comfort.

"Now, Jules," Dad said to me, "we have a bone to pick with you! Where has your Manchester accent gone and why are you speaking like a Londoner/Australian?" I laughed very loudly when Dad said this. I knew my accent had changed, but not enough to notice.

"Dad," I replied back, "the London accent is not a choice! You know I'd never want to give up my Manchester one!"

"But Jules, where did you get those hints of Australian?" He proceeded to ask. I thought about what he said, and the only reply I could think of was Sam.

"Dad, I don't have any Aussie in my voice but if I do, I can only place the blame on Sam Kerr!" Keira and Lucy both laughed at this as they know how friendly I am with Sam.

The next few days were great. It felt amazing being able to refresh with my family. Keira, Lucy and I went on a day trip to the seaside. Although it was cold, I loved looking at the horizon and seeing the world fall behind it.

"This beach must be nothing compared to the ones you saw in Australia," Lucy said to me, as we sat on the pebbles looking at the water.

"Yeah, but you can never compare the Australian beaches. They are one of a kind," I replied back.

"Are you still talking to Hayley?" Lucy asked.

"Um, it's complicated," I answered.

"No, she isn't," Keira replied, for me.