Healer {z.m}

19

Louis Tomlinson 

I am standing near the front gate with the cigarette dangling from my lips. It's my third one. The last two were lying on the ground stomped by me. 

I feel the cold sharp wind on my cheeks but I don't go inside. I don't really have the urge to go inside and make conversation with people who think everything is okay again. Nothing was okay. 

The cold darkness surrounding Emma has been still haunting me. I have murdered people and have seen multiple people getting murdered by the others. I don't even regret that but that day, it was like the sensitivity switch has been switched on and I was having difficulty accepting what just happened. 

I was not supposed to be so much affected by this. It was Emma who should've been. But maybe, the reason why this affected me so much was because it reminded me of a much similar incident. 

Remembering the day, almost as if it was yesterday I feel a chill run up my spine. Suddenly the main gate creaks open making me snap out of my thoughts. 

Zayn has come out of the gate with a cigarette in his fingers. He simply nods at me and stands beside me. He doesn't ask me what I am doing out so late at night. He simply just stands. 

That's the thing I respect most about Zayn. He knew how to give space to someone and also be there if anyone needed to talk. He looks down at the dead cigarettes lying around my shoes raising his brows at me. 

"I thought you were trying to quit?" He asks casually.

That's the thing about addiction. You can never simply quit it. Once you have an addiction, it gets very hard to get rid of it. It's like a habit except much more dangerous and harmful. The feeling of euphoria that I experienced from cigarettes and drugs can't ever be compared to that of a human touch. 

"I don't think I am someone meant to quit." I reply to him stomping my third one on the ground, my eyes reaching into my pocket to take out a fourth one. But there wasn't a fourth one anymore making me disappointed. I eye Zayn's cigarette almost in hunger. 

"Don't even think about it." He says in disbelief. 

"You don't need to check up on me. I am not weak or anything." I tell him making him shoot me a look. 

"You don't have to pretend in front of me, Lou." He quietly says making me drop my act. He knows everything, mainly because I haven't ever tried to hide anything from him. 

He is my best friend even though this sounds cheesy. I was glad to have him as my best friend because he understands me like no one else. He actually understands. 

"That incident. It just seemed extremely like... I don't know. It seemed like I was 23 years again."

6 years ago

"Louis, if you don't hurry your ass up, I'm going to kick out of my house and also not frame a single photo of yours." Félicité's voice startles me. 

"Oh for fuck's sake."  I huff irritably turning on the ignition of the car with my sister standing in front of the car with crossed arms and a stern expression. 

"Get in the car m'lady." I yell making her giggle a bit. Whenever I come over,  Félicité has made it almost like a ritual to take her to the pharmacy store for her 'private women reasons.' She treated me like a five year old child to be accurate. 

"How are the guys?" She asks me and before I could launch into a funny story about them, she asks me particularly, "How is Zayn?" 

See my sister has a thing for Zayn which I was almost horrified upon learning but thank god, Zayn never showed any interest.