Healer {z.m}

21

Doubtle update since why not. Read 20 first

Emma Winston

I was not aware of the time but my guess is that it was maybe 2 at night.

After my mini rendezvous with Harry, I have been in hiding mostly. Being a bit sober, I knew it was terribly wrong of me. But it was not as if I regretted my actions.

I wasn't really a girl who took much risks but all the moves I've been making has me started questioning if I was having a personality disorder.

People were making out all over the house. Broken beer bottles were lying all over the ground making me almost fall over.

I open my room and as soon as I get in, I shut my eyes automatically.
There was Harry fucking a girl who seemed to be having the time of her life, screaming at the top of her lungs.

Honestly, I didn't feel anything that I ought to feel. Instead I realise, that I could've lived my entire without witnessing the whole scene.

I don't go to any more room learning my lesson pretty hard. I also curse myself for using the word hard. 

I could feel the alcohol in my system making me dizzy. I knew I was extremely drunk making me extremely unreliable.
But even in my drunken state, my mind was searching for the person who was missing.

I hadn't seen him once. I didn't even try to find him enough though.

Not wanting to spend another minutes in the hallway, I climb downstairs to the studio.

I won't say that the birthday was useless or not fun because I got an amazing breakfast, two gifts and even a baked cake from a mysterious person.

But the thing was that I liked lowkey parties. Not those parties filled with hard drugs and sex.

Reaching the studio, I enter into the recording room and I suddenly stop. There was Zayn. He was surrounded by diaries and loads of messily written pages.

He had not yet sensed my presence.

But when my eyes properly take in the handwriting, I realise that they were mine.

He was reading my journals. Not just those journals which I brought to New York but also from my hometown.

"What the fuck are you doing, do you think!?" I loudly shout at him making him suddenly jump in place.

He quickly tries to hide the diaries and everything making me scoff loudly.

But when he properly looks at me, I notice his bloody lips and fresh bruises on his cheeks and eyes making me soften a bit.

I sit down in front of him. I don't know what I should be feeling exactly. He basically had every answer to my past right there in his hands.

How much I try to hide it, he's always gonna get it.

"I just... I just did some digging to-" He tries to say.

"What? To figure out the identity that I was fucking trying to hide!? Now you figured it out, didn't you? You happy now knowing the answers!" I yell at him bursting with rage.

"Take a deep breath, Em." Zayn says making my anger reach its peak.

"Don't you ever fucking dare say that sentence to me ever again." I fire back.

I didn't know how much anger I had in me. I didn't even realise what I was talking about. All I could feel was the intense urge of wanting to use my hands.

I wanted to break something.

"FUCK MAN. I can't even believe how I was even having feelings for you." I unconsciously telling him making both of us freeze at our spot.

He looks at me with his mouth slightly open in shock. I look at him trying very hard to control my breathing.

"What did you say just now?" He asks me in disbelief.

"You destroyed my life." I say quietly trying to cover up my slip up.

He takes a step forward while I take one back. He takes another forward and I step back again.

"Do you really think I would judge you for something that you did?" He asks me looking me straight in the soul.

My hands were itching to clean up his blood and bruises.

"I told you I am not like other fucking person." He says hoping for a minimal reaction but all he does is me looking him straight in the eye.

"You have a past. I get it. We all have one too." He tells me trying to quieten me down and noticing how I've stopped breathing with him near me he says, "Deep Breaths."

That's it. That's the word triggering my anger again.

"I hate you so much. You destroyed my fucking life."

That's the only thing which I am able to tell me in midst of all the pain and rage and hurt.

He doesn't even take a step back from me. He stays exactly where he is. Standing in his usual confidence posture with his hands on his waist. More specifically near the guns.

He was even alert while talking to me. What was he alert for? All I knew that too much of expressing my emotions might result in my death.

"Why the fuck are you silent now? Didn't you want this? Me being corrupt, dark and evil just like you fucking wanted me to be!"

I laugh. I laugh out loud probably because of too much of adrenaline.

"I am just like how you fucking wanted me to be."

"You need to calm down."

I roughly rush towards him and pin him against the wooden door. His black collars are crushed under my tight grip.
I could feel his hand holding onto his gun hidden behind his jeans.

"Don't you fucking dare tell me to calm down." I yell at his face. He remains emotionless as if this confrontation was nothing but a boring time-pass for him.

"You are a fucking heartless monster who doesn't deserve to be loved." I quietly say looking deep into his eyes with nothing but disgust.

As soon as I say that, everything happens in a slow motion. I feel myself pinned against the wall, the guitars falling on the grounds, with strong hands curling my neck.

He was choking me. "You better know when to shut your damn fucking mouth."

But in an instant, I am hovering over him with him pinned under me on top of the diaries and journals.

"Don't you ever dare to touch me again. Fuck you." I quietly say to him my anger slowly evaporating.

He merely laughs an devilish laugh. He is laughing out loud for what?

I stand there confused. He gets up and near my ears and snarls, "You would love that wouldn't you?"

//
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