The mirror showed me how truly broken I was, it showed me how unable I was to live happy
Terrible experiences turned my body into a painting of scars and insurmountable pain I had put my heart and soul on getting forgiveness but in the end I lost m...
I released a blood curdling shout and fell to the wet ground The heavens felt my pain, I didn't care about my wet clothes or the fact I was soaked I just didn't care anymore, I weakly stood up from the ground, picked up my backpack and continued my way home
Walking into my empty house, the dread of loneliness finally creeps in. I emotionally felt dead, every nerve of my body was dying, the tears continued to fall and my heart ached I ached every where and nowhere, I felt like ripping my heart out and stomping on it till I felt nothing .
I know this feeling of dread all to well, I felt it when I would scream and no one would hear I felt it when I couldn't do anything to save my sister I felt it when my throat closed up when I was in solitary My soul knew this pain all too well
I cried, I released a nerve wracking sob for everything wrong in my life. I cried for my idiocy I cried for my weaknesses I cried for Malvolio I cried for the time I was locked up I cried for my family I cried for my aching heart
I never realised I had fallen asleep on the floor until my phone buzzed I rubbed my eyes groggily. Picked up my phone and saw It 2am I groaned as I stood up, walked upstairs to my bedroom, changed out my semi dried uniform and crushed two sleeping pills in my mouth before going to bed
I checked my phone and saw mom had texted Me if I was okay Was I really okay, no I wasn't, I was tired weak, aching, a literal living dead so no I was not okay But I sent her a message saying I was. Mal had texted me as well but I just simply ignored him. Closing my eyes to sleep as the drugs had begun to take effect I put my phone on the night stand and fell into the sweet land of nightmares.
The sound of my alarm woke me up, reminding I had school this morning, I did my morning routine, put on the school uniform and wore boots instead of my Mary Jane shoes. Why? Because I simply didn't care anymore Picking up my backpack and my phone, I went downstairs made a cup of ginger tea and toast I saw mom's text saying she was coming back from where ever it is she went to and Malvolio text saying he was outside, I peeked out my window and saw his Mclaren parked outside.
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Malvolio's car. I hated the fact that he cared, I waited him out and when he realised that I wasn't coming out he left It took me a moment for me to realise that he actually left He left me like the others did, but It was his fault, I pushed him away I guess it felt nice to know someone tried to stay before I pushed them away With a menacing smile on my face, I walked to the kitchen poured scalding hot ginger tea on my hand I wanted desperately to feel something, anything so I poured it on my self I winced from the pain but I'm the end I did feel something I didn't cut my self nor did I tie my self so no harm done Mrs leotta I didn't betray her, putting my ginger tea in a flask I grabbed my bag and phone , locked the door and made my way to school while blasting NF'S IF YOU WANT LOVE. I looked and felt hollow but I went to school anyways
I made it just in time for first period history class I took my seat at the back, ignoring stares from Mal and my classmates, I could not find it in me to care about their dumb thought atleast not today I enjoyed the class today it was about the American- Mexican war.
" okay everyone, I want your homework essays to shed more light on this topic okay" the teacher said Everyone groaned an unenthusiastic yes before he packed up and left the classroom I managed to ignored the four pair of eyes staring at me throughout the class Ivan glaring holes at my back and Malvolio softly glancing at me. I guess it wasn't soft if I could feel his eyes on me I packed my things and hurriedly left the class when I saw Mal walking up to me
It wasn't easy having to avoid Malvolio because we had almost every class together I couldn't be more grateful when it was time for lunch I ran out of Ms Newman' s class and went to the foot ball field to eat lunch instead of the library or cafeteria. I knew Mal was going to check and I couldn't let him see me. I managed to avoid him all day but the intensity of his stare was painful.
I grabbed the things I needed from my locker wore my oversized hoodie, pulling the hood over my head, hiked my backpack and walked out
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I looked at the sky, It looked like it was about to rain again, so I sat on the school steps trying to wait it out I put in my headphones and played POISON BY RITA ORA I was enjoying the company of my self until Mal sat beside me I sighed reached into my backpack pulled out the plastic protector, covered my backpack and before he could get a word in I walked away, I wanted to turn when he called my name but I didn't
I ran home again, I locked the door behind me afraid he might come looking for My head was spinning due to stress, and I raised my fingers to my nose to try and stop it from bleeding I made my way to the bathroom and vomited blood I was weak and so was my nervous system, my eyes closed and due to blood loss I fell asleep on the bathroom floor.
