BROKEN

THRITY NINE.

For the first time in two weeks, I felt like I was on cloud nine, nothing could spoil my mood today, I'd die before I let anyone do that.
Ivan was coming back today, After two weeks, he was finally coming back. I wouldn't admit to anyone but I had missed his comforting and domineering presence. We didn't talk much on the phone because of different timezones but his goodmorning texts each morning for the past two weeks was something worth waking up for.

Mom and I's relationship had deteriorated rapidly, we barely acknowledged one another and when we did, it ended in a toxic word fight. She was still convinced that I wanted her unhappy by pressing charges on the perverted houdini Devan. I stopped begging her to believe me, She never did put me first in anything she did nor descions she made. She barely stayed home nowadays, I'd sometimes wake up to an empty house and other days I'd hear the pitter patter of her footsteps in this hollow house that once held the happiest memories of the Ackerman family had been washed away by the tainted and undiluted toxicity of my mother harsh baritone like words. Each word dragging me down emotionally, I wished I could just shrug of the emotional hurt that comes with life off me but sadly No.

Putting all the depressing thoughts aside, I got up from my bed, prayed to God Almighty before I began my morning rituals for school. It was tough catching up with school work, I had missed school enough in the last couple of months that it would be detrimental to my records and if I missed anymore. I caressed my silvery white hair softly, I needed a haircut, it had grown longer and would be even harder to tame if I didn't get a haircut soon. I put my hair in a low ponytail, grabbed my bag and began my march down the stairs.
I saw mom in the kitchen, I guess she hadn't disappeared to where it was that she disappeared to .
"Good morning mother " I greeted. All maybe be tragic between us but I hadn't lost my manners.
She mumbled a goodmorning before facing the cup of tea in front of her. This was our new normal. I walked over to the fridge and grabbed a handful of chocolate bars and mango juice I had put in a bottle last night in my bag. I looked over at my mother again, she was leaning on the kitchen counter sipping her tea. I let out a sigh on what our lives had become. We've been reduced from the mother and daughter that we once were not that we had a bond to start with anyways but now we were a couple of strangers. I picked up my backpack and was walking out of the kitchen when I heard her say " Why don't you want me happy ever lotus? "
"Why can't you just stop being selfish and drop the charges against Devan'
We were still on this matter, everyday a new form of emotional blackmail, she knows how weak I am when it comes to handling guilt and she was really weighing in on my the guilt I felt. I felt as though I was the cause of her unhappiness in life but Devan hurt me and deep down I want to believe that she loves me but another part of me doubts it. I looked at her before walking out of the house. If I had said anything it would turn into a bitter fight between my mother and i. I leaned on the door waiting for Mal and keiran. I promised my self that nothing was going to ruin today for me. I shook my head trying to shake the bad thoughts away. My therapist was the worst to exist, she added to my mental issues rather than helping me.

I heard a loud honk, I peeked open one eye and saw Mal and keiran parking

A white mustang gt premium, it felt nice riding in different cars atimes with them but other days I felt like a free loader. It was even worse when I heard the whispers in the hallway. I promised myself I wasn't going to ruin my mood but this was my reality. Another honk snapped me out of my reverie. I wanted to go back inside and ditch school. But the choice was either my manipulative mother or my vile school mates. I picked the lesser of two evils and made my way to Mal and keiran.
"Hi" I greeted them
"Well I expected her to be more excited for the arrival her prince charming but she seems down doesn't she Mal"
"Yeah she does keiran ." We took a detour on our way to school for donuts because I needed a pick me up. By the time we got to school, first period had started, I watched how everyone was scrambling to get to class including the boys and I. We got to class before the sound of the final bell. My eyes scanned the classroom and the familiar seat where the citrine eyed boy sits was still empty as it had been for the past two weeks. Perhaps he decided to skip school today. I went through class though feeling down but I still listened I didn't want my grades to drop, they were the only good and constant thing about me.

Finally it was lunch time, we had made the rooftop our own personal cafeteria but for some dumb reason Mal and keiran decided to eat lunch in the cafeteria leaving me to eat alone on the roof. I opened the door to the roof and shivered slightly. I hadn't gotten used to the cold on the roof. I closed the door while balancing my lunch on my other hand. I let out an unattractive shriek when I saw the honeyed eyed devil that was Ivan laying on the table lazily vaping. His body was clad in grey sweatpants and a black hoodie paired with a black converse. He let his hair free, the black gold hair swayed behind him as he sat up.
I just stood there, letting my eyes drink him in. I took slow steps towards him,dropped my food on the bench before standing infront of him. He blew out another puff of smoke before dropping his pen and pulling me by hand and I crashed into his well defined chest. I tightened my hold on his waist breathing in his scent that was very calming.
"Hey" I mumbled into his chest. I pulled away from him. No matter how much I loved how he smelt, I need fresh air. I sat down on the bench and he sat beside me. He looked at me and dropped his gaze to the food telling me to eat with his eyes. I picked at my food what ever appetite I had before had been replaced with excitement
"How was your trip" I asked while shoving a fishstick down my throat
"Excruciatingly boring, I felt like pulling my hair out during some of the meetings" he said while stealing a fish stick from my plate
I laughed softly, "so how are you Lotus " I knew what he was asking. He was asking how I was mentally, emotionally and in every aspect of my being. I knew I couldn't lie to him. He'd pick it up immediately knowing I was hiding the truth from him.
"I've been better" atleast I didn't try to jump off a cliff nor drown myself while he was gone. I heard him humm an okay before silence took over, it wasn't uncomfortable but just pulsating with unanswered questions. He was breaking the truth out of me with silence
"I hurt myself " his silence made me cave
"With what" those intense eyes were still watching me. I mistakenly sliced my self with a knife and then intentionally poured boiling hot water on it to try and rid my myself of the gnawing guilt eating me from the inside.
"It was an accident, I cut my self with a knife and mistakenly poured hot water on it "
He raised an eyebrow, he knew I was lying but he waited till I told him. Luckily the bell sounded before I could get a word in
"Saved by the bell ". I smiled sheepishly and stood up from the table. He wasn't dressed for school so I guess he wasn't staying. " I have to go now" I said
"I know, I'll pick you up today "
"Why " I questioned
"We have a lot to talk about "

And with that he disappeared from the roof , leaving me and my erratic heart pondering over his words