BROKEN

twenty four

I really wish I could kill keiran for what he did, I glared at him before walking away from him
I wasn't going to that cursed party, even if it would cost me my non existent social life.
I knew she didn't like me, heck she hated my very existence but all of a sudden she invites me to a party that she's throwing and a very high chance of me meeting Malvolio
What kind of a sick game are you playing Aurelia?

I opened the door and walked into art class.
I took my seat behind the canvas
Today we were to paint what we thought of life
I stared at the canvas for a long time, only one thought popped into my head when I thought of life it was Death and emptiness
Life to me was vain, it is just as easy for life to be taken, just as it was easy to be given
I picked up the paintbrush and simply painted the word VAINTY on the canvas. I looked at my painting of vanity, I painted a picture of a bleeding heart underneath it
That was what I thought of life.

Life made my heart bleed, life hurt me, It broke me into a thousand unpickable pieces.
Life and joy enjoyed my torment, happiness sat back and watched how sadness made its way into my life
Trust laughed at my face when I was betrayed.
My regrets held me down, pain filled my insides and hopelessness cuddled me to sleep at night.

I turned in my painting when the bell rang and I turned on my heel to music class, I walked into the classroom, no one was there.
I took my seat behind the grand piano, I let my fingers trace the keys lightly.
Dad taught me how to play the piano, I remembered how he would delicately hold my fingers as he taught me to play.
I remembered the smile on his face, when he watched me play in a school recital when I was younger.
He alone supported my past dreams of becoming a pianist.
He supported me when I picked up the violin too
My father always encouraged me to do better and because of mom planting so much lies in my head, I began to despise the very person who had ever supported me.

I took in a deep breath and stood up from the bench and sat on my assigned chair.
I wanted so badly to be in a string quartet but those dreams had been trampled upon
I didn't know what I wanted to major in college when I graduated from high school
I loved art but I doubted myself so much that I begun to believe my mother's words about my worth as a person.
The door opened and students started filling into class, Ivan and I had this class but was nowhere to be found. He must really hate ceaser.

My brain completely shut down after lunch, I was in the last class for today.
I was just drifting in and out of French. I couldn't be more happier when we heard the bell.
I picked up my things and walked to my locker, I was going to meet keiran at my locker
I really wanted to see Kiki's resting place and he promised to take me
As expected I saw him leaning on it bored off what the copper haired girl infront of him was saying.
I laughed under my breath, I decided to let her torture him a bit more before I interrupted.
Keiran looked like he was about to tear his ears off. I decided that was enough torture and walked up to him, his green orbs made contact with my snowlike ones. He didn't wait for the copper haired girl to finish what she was saying before he reached for my hand and pulled Me out of the school.

I laughed all the way to his car, it was nice to see him frustrated for once.
"Enjoying my misery whitehead " he said when we reached the parking lot
"Yes I am"  I replied, he unlocked the car, we both stepped inside and drove off.
"So whitehead what are you wearing to the party tomorrow"
" I'm not going anywhere keiran, Aurelia hates me"
"And that's enough reason for you to go and shove it in her face that you aren't afraid " I looked at him and nodded.
I looked at where we parked, it was infront of a shabby looking cemetery.
We stepped out the car, keiran reached for my hand and we walked to where Kiki was buried.

I released my hand from keiran's when I saw her head stone bare of any flowers, no one had tended to the grave in a while
"Kiki " I called as if she would rise up and answer me
" I'm sorry Kiki " I repeated that statement over and over again, just crying, keiran wrapped his hands around me but I just kept crying.
" it isn't fair keiran "
"I know " I stared at the headstone for a long time
I promised I would bring her favorite flowers which are dahlias when I visit next
I closed my eyes and prayed for her before walking away with keiran. He and I didn't speak a word till I saw my house
I unbuckled my seat belt "thank you keiran"
"Its okay whitehead " he gave a small smile and hugged me telling me he'd pick me up by 7pm tomorrow.
I huffed out a sigh and nodded before walking into the house.
I locked the door and marched upstairs like a woman on a mission, I walked into my parents room
I hadn't been in there in a while, I searched the bathroom cabinets until I found a bottle of anti- depressants.
I crushed two in my mouth, the drugs always made me feel lighter, I missed the feeling of not having the weight of the world on my shoulders.