BROKEN

FORTY

Ever since Ivan left, my phone has been buzzing from mother's texts and calls with such intensity that I had eventually had to turn it off when the teacher asked me to turn it off or get out of the class. When I heard the last bell, my entire body felt doused in a bucket of excitement, I was really estactic to talk to Ivan. I turned on my cellphone on my way to my locker I had almost 40 missed calls and 13 messages from mother. Alarms blared in my head when I played the voice mail she left me.

Lotus help me. Her breathing was labored as if she was running. I heard a muffled sound of a man and the high-pitched screaming of my mother before the line cut off.
My body and temperature ran cold. Everything and everyone around me blurred. Someone's grip on my hand snapped me out of my horrified daze. I looked up and saw Ivan eyes on mine. I pushed him off and dashed out of the school. My lungs burned from running, my knees shook with agony but I kept pressing on. No matter what , no matter the circumstances she was still the woman who gave me life. My whole body was begging me to take a break but I pressed on heaving a breath as I ran home.
My mind reeled in every horrible words that I had said to mother. I continued to run like a mad person when I saw my house in the horizon. I took in a hard breath when I saw the front door ripped from its hinges, the glass on the floor made a crunchy noise when I stepped on it, the pictures when shattered, the floor board creeked as I walked in, my once organised house was in havoc, blood was on the walls and on the floor. I screamed when I saw my mother's battered and bloody body on the stairs.
"Mom," I shook her body, checking for a sign that she was alive. I cradled her cold body to mine and continued to sob. One by one the tears dropped from eyes. I heard footsteps coming closer and closer, I heard the sounds of sirens and the ambulance. I continued to cradle her body close to mine. I screamed No over and over again while Ivan tried prying me off my mother while I continued to fight eventually he pried me of her body and I watched how the police and paramedics swarmed inside my house. I just sat on the steps answering the questions the detectives asked me with a nod.

Soon everyone cleared out, my Mother was at the morgue, the glass and blood was smeared and spread across the house. The sun had begun to set, tears continued to fall from My eyes, like never-ending pools of sadness and tragedy. The now fact that I was an orphan had really struck me deep in my heart. I was all alone in this world, I wondered who would take me in, would I stay in the orphanage or would one person take me in. I was snapped out of my reverie when I saw an outstretched black mug infront of me, I looked up and say Ivan holding out a cup of ginger tea to me. He had not left my side even though I had not spoken a word to him since I found my mother on the steps. I took the tea from his hands and he sat beside me in silence on the steps. The only sound was my occasional sip of the hot tea. I finished the tea and set the cup down.
"Are you done " I nodded a yes, he took in a breath "I know how you feel lotus, I understand....." I scoffed at his words "don't give me the I know how you feel bullshit, if you have nothing else to say get the hell out of my face " I watched his eyebrows scrunch in confusion, I felt a sharp twinge of guilt in my heart, I was looking for whom to pour my frustration "Okay I am sorry, I didn't mean to say anything that would hurt you."
"Then don't say anything and get out " I snapped at him
"Fine, I'll leave if that's what you truly want " I asked him to leave but I wanted him to stay, I didn't want him to leave me alone in the house. I looked him dead in the eye and told him "yes that's what I truly want now get the hell out of my face." He looked shocked, I was shocked as well . He looked like he like to say something but stepped himself " alright then, I'll come back later lotus "
"No, just get out of my life, you've brought nothing but tragedy and misfortune ever since I met you, you are a curse, a thorn at my side , a bane in my life Ivan vikor I hate you. I curse the day we crossed paths Ivan. Now please get out my house and life forever." For a moment I saw his eyes gloss. I had gone far this time.

" I understand lotus that you just lost your mom but I promise you I'll be here for you and anything you might need, you'll be fine."
"Take your speech and get out of my house, I never want to see again, what part of get out don't you understand. Ever since I met you my life had gone to shit, so just go away. You are a curse" Nothing that came out of my mouth was true. Lies all lies, Ivan was a blessing in my life but I wanted to make him feel just as shitty as I was. My breathing was becoming labored, I was having another asthma attack before I knew it my inhaler was placed infront of me, I took a puff and waited till I felt better. I looked at Ivan crouching infront of me looking worried, he saved me once again, I was a terrible terrible person. I pushed his hand off me " get out now, leave my life once and for all" I screamed out. He stood up immediately and turned his back," if I walk out that door lotus, I'm never coming back again, do you understand " I looked at his hoodie clad back, say no lotus, no just say it please "fine with me Ivan, leave and don't come back" I saw his nod and began taking his leave, I walked behind him, trying to get a little bit of closure. He stopped infront of the battered door "goodbye lotus " he didn't even wait for a reply nor look me in the eye before he left. I turned on my heel back into the house, I tried my best not to cry over Ivan.