BROKEN

Thrity Eight.

Dedicated to elle18 and tpcmgc434
I sat in Malvolio posh carseat feeling deflated, I left home in the best of spirits but now I felt like a sad and drenched puppy. Mal was trying to cheer me up ever since he found me crying in the parking lot. Ivan was cold to me , I had never seen him so annoyed and exasperated at my very presence, I had never seen him so cold like this, it stung me deep when he threw my words back at me, It was worse when shattered me by asking from space.

Mal dropped me off at home not before making sure I was okay and stuff, I checked my phone every now and then hoping that he'd change his mind. But I guess he wanted space, he had no right to want space from me nor did he have any right to give me the cold shoulder. Honestly I was just looking for reasons to pick a fight with Ivan but he couldn't demand for space anymore, did he not like me anymore, I needed answers and I was going to get them. I picked up my phone and dialed keiran's number
"Lulu"
"Keiran I need your help"
"Yeah sure, what is it?"
"Can you drive me Ivan's house, I know I...."
"I'll pick you up in 10mins, I've been looking for a way to get out of this dinner party anyways"
"Thanks keiran"
"No problem" I jumped out of my bed and changed into something more appropriate than boxer shorts and a large shirt

I locked up just In time see keirans Ford F150 Park. I hopped in the car and filled keiran in on what happened
"I think you should give him space whitehead "
I crossed my hands over my chest "I am not doing that keiran, he has to talk to me "
"But it's not fair on him lotus, you had your alone time give him his as well"
"No keiran "
"That's just being unfair and self centered lotus" this was the second time, I was being called selfish by two important people in my life but Ivan was wrong, he didn't need space. Keiran and I didn't say anything through out the whole drive. I jumped out of the car immediately we parked.

I knocked harshly on the black door of the apartment. The door swung open revealing Ivan angrily glaring at me "the fuck is wrong with you Lotus" my eyes widened slightly at the harsh baritone of his voice. I pushed past him and walked into the apartment as though I owned it.
"Get the hell out lotus " the eerie calmness of his voice sent a sliver of fear to crawl up my skin. I was really testing fate.
" you can't ignore me Ivan" he ran his hands in his hair exasperatedly
"I thought we talked about this at the gallery. I need fucking time off from you Lotus, do you fucking get that , I can't deal with this anymore"
"So now I'm a burden to you " he looked at me in disbelief, I wanted to say sorry but I couldn't understand why I was rilling him up
"Why do you want to pick a fight with me lotus?"
"Why do you want space from me Ivan?" I answered a question with a question.
"Unbelievable, you had your space without me questioning you about but when I say I need mine you suddenly act like you care."
"I do care, ivan"
"No you don't, do you realise how selfish you've been, how unfair you are being right now. You had your space all those times I would call you, standing by the phone waiting for you to answer, the times I had to convince myself with whisky that you were fine, do you know the gnawing emotion I felt when I saw you bloody and yet when you had the gull to want to try and commit suicide not even that lotus could push me away, I still fucking came back tried to talk to you but you called me names, didn't you Lotus? You wanted to badly to be alone fine I left you alone, then why the fuck can't you let me have my space. Do you enjoy playing dumb games with me ? And now you come here demanding answers why I need my space. "

I stayed rooted at my spot with tears in my eyes, I should never had tried picking a fight with Ivan after all he had done for, he never asked for anything from me but the first time he asked for something as measly as space, I couldn't even give it to him. I felt like a terrible and selfish person right now, I never realised how much I was playing with him until now although a subconscious part of me knew about my games, of how I'd pull him and only to push him back in the end. He sat on the couch tiredly and I sat beside him timidly before I began bawling my eyes out, I felt strong arms wrap around and I grabbed a fistful of his hoodie while I let him hug me
"I'm sorry, I should I have said that, I just didn't want to believe that I was SELFISH, I just wanted someone to blame for everything that happened. I am so sorry Ivan." I pulled away slightly and stared deep into his eyes "forgive me please. "
I saw his eyes soften " Always " I stayed in his arms until I remembered keiran was still outside waiting but Ivan and I still have a lot to talk about.
"What is it lotus?"
"Nothing, keiran's outside waiting but we also need to talk "
"Its okay go home, we'll talk when I comeback"
" where are you going "
"I'm leaving town for a couple of weeks "
"Oh, how long will you be gone for"
" two weeks "
I nodded, feeling sad and a tad disappointed "why are you leaving"
"I need to conduct a courtesy meeting and check up on the branches of my dad's legacy, the vikor dynasty "
"Okay, can I call you or you need your space."
"Don't start again lotus and yes you can call okay, we'll talk properly when I get back " I nodded and stood up from the sofa, I began walking to the front door with Ivan walking behind me. I opened the front door and the cool air ruffled mine and his hair slightly, his scent permeated the air I breathe, I hugged him tighter once again before walking over to keiran car. I took my time to admire the brooding, mysterious enigma called Ivan vikor before mouthing a goodbye to him
See you in two weeks Ivan.