The mirror showed me how truly broken I was, it showed me how unable I was to live happy
Terrible experiences turned my body into a painting of scars and insurmountable pain I had put my heart and soul on getting forgiveness but in the end I lost m...
I don't know how, but somehow I am alive, still breathing even after I caught a glimpse of the grim reaper, he still didn't take me. Why couldn't he just end it, it seems as though I am in a vicious circle of pain.
I am emotionally and mentally sinking, I thought I had mom as an anchor to life but just like every part of my life, it never goes well.
I shakily stood up from the floor and crawled to my bed. I hadn't been eating well this couple of weeks I didn't feel hungry anymore, I could feel the bagel I ate coming back up, I jumped up and ran to the bathroom, I emptied my stomach In the toilet I didn't have the energy to stand up and so I lay in the bathroom floor just staring at nothing I felt so hollow.
I heard my phone ring in my bedroom but I did not move I heard it ring once Twice Thrice I waited till that person gave up after the seventh ring, the person had stopped calling I sat up and directly faced the mirror Ah the mirror my old truthful friend I waved my hand at the mirror and laughed crazily at my bloody reflection before breaking down in a full blown sob
The intensity of my tears wracked my body, the tears blurred my vision, I coughed up blood while tears were streaming down my face The sweet and pungnant metallic and salty stench of blood, sweat and tears My whole body was shutting down, I stood up after a while, washed the blood and tears of my body And changed into my brothers old hoodie, I missed him I missed lily as well I missed dad I missed being happy I missed my old self
I took one shaky step after another and walked to my bedroom, The evening sun was shining into my eyes as poetic as it may sound I felt icarus couldn't resist the beauty of the sun and was tempted to fly close to it I had a strange connection to the sun, the sun is a promise of God for a new day It signifies the beginning and end of the day It pokes its burning head in the morning reminding us humans and living beings the beauty of another day
The sun had no one to keeps its company unlike the moon who had the stars I stayed there just watching the sun splashing it's golden hues In the sky, saying its goodbyes and promising to rise again tomorrow as the creator would have it. I sighed and continued my walked to my bed I got under the comforters, I know it was early to sleep but my eyelids felt weak. I heard mom's voice from behind the door saying dinner was ready I didn't answer, I was mad and also wasn't sure if I could stomach the food And so I succumbed to the arms of sleep.
I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing, my head was pounding. I groggily picked up my phone and without checking who was calling I picked it up "Lotus" I knew that masculine voice anywhere I sat up instantly and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes "Ivan, h..ii " I greeted He sighed " where the hell have you been, I called you." I could sense the anger in his words. "I am so..rry, I was t.ired and fe..ll a.slee.p" I wasn't lying but I didn't tell him the truth. I heard him softly humm " I'm outside, I wanted to check on you." I gasped softly, stood up and walked to my window and saw his jeep parked outside " okay I 'm on my way down." I straightened out my clothes and put the tangled mop of a hair in a bun, put on my favourite sponge Bob fluffy slippers and went downstairs I passed by mom, I walked away from her and went outside
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I tapped softly on the window and the door swung open, I made my way into the car
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Ivan's fit^ I was sure I was drooling at the sight before me, His hair was tousled, he had run his fingers through his hair I pouted internally I wanted to do that for him He was staring at me with his intense citrine eyes I mumbled a greeting and he nodded in reply His calculative eyes was drinking me in, like he was trying to figure something out I blushed under his stare thank God it was dark unless he would see me turn bright red "Lotus" I looked up at him "What happened" I paled instantly, I didn't want to tell him what was wrong, I didn't want him to think me as a burden "Don't lie to me " I lied to everyone around me but for some strange reason when it comes to him, I couldn't He saw right through me, never judged but always knew when I lied "I fa...int.ed ag..ain" I heard him take a sharp intake of air I never told him my story, he didn't knew why I was like this, and he never asked for the full story He nodded "Have you eaten lotus'' I shook my head No in reply He sighed again and brought out a brown paper bag and gave it to me It was a hamburger and strawberry milkshake. He watched me as I took little bites of the food I had barely eaten half the burger before I stopped eating I dropped it and took a sip of my milkshake "T.ha..nk you" " You're full aren't you?" He asked and I nodded We talked for a while and I took occasional sips of my milkshake His phone buzzed and I saw Analise had texted him I felt a pang in my heart, I knew what ever I felt for Ivan was going hurt me I was like icarus and he was sun, I was going to loose my wings and get burnt. " it's get...ting late Ivan, you should go" he nodded, I lifted my hands to wave goodbye but he pulled me into a hug Mal told me Ivan wasn't a hugger but he seemed to do it a lot with me I inhaled his smoky woodsy scent mixed with the cold crisp air He smelt like home, cold and warm, he was a mix of the sun and moon I pulled away from him reluctantly "Bye lotus" "Bye ivan"
