BROKEN

FORTY ONE.

Time skip
Three years later......

It's been three years since I moved.
Three years since I left my old life
Three years since I entered that jeep and never looked back.
Three years since I became an orphan
Three years since my mother's assailant Devan was caught.

I wished he'd would rot in prison for the rest of his life unlike my mother who is 6ft under, dead and lifeless. I tried justifying my mother's actions, after devan had tried raping and assaulting me, she helped him hide from the law, protecting him till he bit the hand that fed him. She was killed by the same man whom she destroyed our family for, the man whom she claimed to love. Love Is certainly a strange thing, it burns out faster than a candle.

It's been three years since I moved in with my aunt Neriah, she showed me love and kindness unconditionally. She showed me how to love, she cared more than my mother ever had. My aunt Neriah the embodiment of feminity, tenderness and love. In the first six months of us living together, I tried shutting her out but she kept on trying.
These three years has been full of ups and downs, self healing, resentment and forgiveness. I had to learn how to accept who I truly was and what I was. Though some days were tough and I felt like I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Days that I felt I could no longer go on, I still felt like ripping my heart out or crying my eyes out but now I was better, now I had people to pull me out of the sunken place.

It had also been three years since I last saw the honeyed eyed devil Ivan vikor, the person that made my heart race, the person I treated so unfairly, anytime I thought of Ivan my heart twisted, I wished I could make things right but it's like he vanished into thin air, apart from the abstract painting that he sometimes posted and rare sights of him travelling around the world, I wouldn't know he existed. He left pegasus High the same day I left town, Mal, keiran nor I had seen him in three years.
I sometimes found my self questioning why I acted the way I did.

"Lotus, the boys are here" I heard my aunt Neriah yell from downstairs
"I'll be right down aunty " I hurriedly stuffed my textbooks in my backpack before racing down. I saw my aunt in the kitchen bottling in laughter when she saw me bouncing on one foot trying to lace the shoe on my other foot. I kissed her cheek goodbye before running out of the house before Mal or keiran could Harrass the whole neighbourhood with a car honk. Opening the back seat of Malvolio car,I scrambled in just in time to see keiran about to press the horn.
"She made it, just in time " I heard Malvolio voice say
"She did, good job lulu. After two weeks of repetitive honking, you made it just in time" I narrowed my eyes that both of them before responding with a smacking both their heads
"Morning dumb and dumber " they mumbled their greetings reluctantly before we began our drive to the University.

As soon as Mal was able to break off the cursed relationship with aurelia, he was able to move to the city as soon as possible. We passed a tree that had yellowish leaves and my mood instantly became sullen. I never looked at yellowish objects anymore because the instantly reminded my of deep eyes that could unravel my everybeing, eyes that spoke volumes. I let out a deep depressed sigh, I wished I could fix my mistakes but I knew if I saw Ivan staring at me right now, I wouldn't know what to say. I would not be able to produce words if I stood infront of him.

"Thinking of him again aren't you lulu " I couldn't lie to the boys especially not Mal
"Yeah, everyday " Mal smiled at me through the mirror and I sent a tight lipped one back.
"It'll get better lotus, I promise " keiran tried consoling Me, even if what keiran thought what I did was despicable and bratty, he never voiced out his real thoughts anymore when it came to Ivan.
"When keiran, its been three years. I just..."
"You just what, huh lotus ?"
"I don't know guys " I mumbled in a small voice. They took this as a sign to drop the topic. Ivan was a sore topic for Me. At first I tried blaming him for not coming back, but how much could a person take. From my tantrums, to my traumas, to my bratty attitude, selfish behaviour to my self predatorial and unappreciative behaviour, I still wonder how he could take it all and never once complained even in the slightest. I wanted to hate for not fighting for us but honestly he tried everyday till I left.
Sometimes I read our old one-sided conversations just to make me feel better, I had the same number just incase he'd called but no, he Truly kept his promise when he said if I walk out that door, lotus I am never coming back"
I shook my to Rid my selves of those thoughts. Even after all these years, he made my mind spin like never before.