The mirror showed me how truly broken I was, it showed me how unable I was to live happy
Terrible experiences turned my body into a painting of scars and insurmountable pain I had put my heart and soul on getting forgiveness but in the end I lost m...
Is it hot in here or just me "Answer me lotus" wait what. He knows my name Lotus focus he asked you a question " I'm not avoiding you." He humms and looks at me before turning away and leaving me once again in the supply closet. School passes by in a blur , I could barely focus on anything, I was sleep deprived , tired , weak, hungry and confused I couldn't wait for tomorrow not that I was going to do anything exciting but I just wanted to escape from this reality I'm in.
I blessed God when I heard the last bell apparently today was a half day because the football team had a game tomorrow and needed to practice. I sat on the school steps again waiting for mom to come pick me up.
It wasn't raining today, I brought out my headphones and played Traitor By Olivia Rodrigo It was absolute bliss until four figures decided to interrupt I looked up and saw Aurelia beaming at me with a bone chiling smile I removed my headphone from one ear 'Lotus " she smiled at me like we were long lost friends, I simply nodded "Lotus " this time it wasnt her that called me it was Malvolio why did the universe decide to put Me in such situations Why oh why God apparently heard my cries because I saw mom parking infront of the school I grabbed my bag and said excuse me before walking away
I didn't want to cry today, I didn't just want to I had cried for a long time, I just wanted a break Mal didn't deserve this, but I did, I was just selfish. I knew attaching my self to someone was going to hurt, I knew being friends with Mal was going to backfire but for once I wanted to be selfish I wanted to experience being a teenager for once I wanted to laugh and go to parties but I guess I dreamt too big.
I got to mom's car and looked back at the steps I was sitting My eyes met Malvolio crystal blue eyes staring at me. I took a deep breath, put on a fake smile and entered the car Mom hugged me and we left the school compound "How was school sweetie" mom asked " it was great" I am officially a pathological Liar " okay sweetie" we talked till we got home
I immediately went upstairs when we got home Trying to sound happy was exhausting, I was mentally drained and emotionally damaged I looked at my mirror and practiced my fake smile There were cracks in the masks I wore and I didn't want that I wanted everyone to think I was happy, I didn't want to be a burden to anyone I did not wanted to be looked at pitifully I despised that and so for ten minutes I practiced until my face ached,
I heard plates and pots being moved around Mom was cooking dinner, I couldn't be In her presence for a long time because she was just like the mirror, she could easily unmask me That's why I put up a barrier between us
I had fallen asleep in front of the mirror,I should win the best award for sleeping in the weirdest Situations, I woke up to mom calling me for dinner So I stomped downstairs in a large shirt and shorts We sat at the living ate and watched 2broke girls I needed something to fill the void of silently between mom and I, I knew I had been drifting all this while. I couldn't be the daughter mom always wanted because I lost the appeal to life
I was the paradox of what mom was She loved life while I hated it She was vibrant I was dead She loved flowers, they made me sick She loved colours , I loved darkness My sister lily was the perfect daughter for mom and I killed her. Dad was right I am a disappointment
I told her good night before going to my room, my sleeping pills had finished so I knew I wasn't falling asleep anytime so I sat on my table and began my homework.
I stretched my body when I finished and I looked at the time 12:30 am I closed my book, looked outside the window for a while and saw the black sky bleak of any light I picked my phone up, I had no calls, no messages Nothing, nada, zilch. My life is sad, I sat down on my bed prayed and rested my head before waking up to another gruelling day.
It was black, completely dark I couldn't see a thing, light couldn't be seen, Ionly heard sniffling sounds and soft mumblings of the word please I heard menacing laughter, Iknew that laughterall to well, I knew like a second skin A bright light attacked my vision and Icould see my fifteen year old self being tortured I begged, all I did was beg, they strapped Me and watched as Itried to breathe in air into my aching lungs as they forced my head below water.
I
woke up with a gasp, my heart was racing, my head was pounding, my nose was bleeding again, I stood up from the bed walked to the bathroom, I grabbed a fistful of wet wipes cleaned my nose and returned back to bed After so many hours of tossing and turning I went to bed.
I woke up due to mom kissing my forehead and telling me she was going to work, I nodded an okay and I stood up when I heard the door slam shut It was 10am On Saturday, I had the day to my self So I did what any self respecting teen would do when they had the house to themselves, I grabbed a bunch of snacks and watched anime I wished I had a boyfriend like sakuta-kun in bunny girl senpai Honestly I wished I was an anime character (How cool would that be), I looked at the time and saw it was 6pm and so I turned off the TV and saw a text from mom saying she'd be home late I was bored so I decided to go for a walk and buy sleeping medicine I changed into sweatpants and a sweatshirt
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I walked out of the house with my headphones and went to the drug store, I bought what I needed to before going to a small but fancy diner across the street to eat, I sat in a booth and ordered I was waiting for my food to arrive when someone sat opposite me I looked up and it was Tyler Washington he is in my art class and Is friend with Mal and the others "Hey" I only waved at him, I didn't want to make any friends " I'm Tyler " I sighed knowing I couldn't get out of this conversation so I answered " I'm Lotus " " pleasure to meet " Thankfully our food were brought so we didn't have to speak
"Tyler" I knew that voice anywhere, it was the same voice that ruined my friendship "Aurelia" Tyler called out .I was mentally exhausted to even deal with her "Omg lotus is that you" no it isn't who else has white eyes genius I saw her, Mal, Ivan and Analise coming to us " I didn't know you knew Tyler." She chirped "Well I just decided to have dinner with her" Tyler responded I wasn't even saying anything "You might want to be careful with her, she tends to pretend she's perfect and uses and hurt her friends " my eyes widened and I looked at Malvolio I opened my mouth to say something but I was gaping at him like a fish I felt tears prickle my eyes, I dropped the money for my food, grabbed my headphones, pushed past them and left
I was hurt Malvolio hated me now and assumed the worst about me I cried all the way home, I opened the door and ran to the kitchen when I heard the sound of mom crying "mom what's wrong" I asked She looked at me with tear filled eyes and she uttered words that made me stop " your father is dead"
