The mirror showed me how truly broken I was, it showed me how unable I was to live happy
Terrible experiences turned my body into a painting of scars and insurmountable pain I had put my heart and soul on getting forgiveness but in the end I lost m...
He stretched his hand forward, and I hesitantly put my hand in his He pulled me up and held my waist to support my weight We walked to his grand jeep cherokee
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I watched the trees fly by, the ground had a wet earthy smell to it The road glistening from heavens wet pearls and plants looking greener.
But I felt dull, drained of life, empty, hollow I knew Ivan had seen the video I knew he had seen it, yet he chose to help me I looked and felt like a drenched kitten, I had tried to resist when he opened the door for me I didn't want to get his pristine car seat wet but he wouldn't take no for an answer He turned the heat up when he saw goosebumps on my skin
He parked infront of a familiar apartment, this is the second time I'd be here I took a deep breath and got down from the car, Ivan came to my side put my hand in his and walked in The last Time I was here I was a mess, I never took a minute to appreciate how amazing this place was
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It was truly magnificent, it defined Ivan, dark and mysterious Instead of staying in the living room, he pulled into the bedroom
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I was still Dripping from the rain, I stood awkwardly in the middle of the bedroom, my eyes cast down and my body trembling from the cold Ivan stood infront of me and held out a large hoodie and shorts He nudged towards the bathroom before walking out I walked into the bathroom and slid down the door I covered my mouth and cried, I mumbled stupid and hit my head with my fist while rocking back and forth on the floor I stood up, stripped out of my uniform and took a scalding hot bath It burnt my skin and I loved it, I relished in my self mutilation. It made me feel human, I saw a bruise forming on the side of my tummy from where the jock and mother had pushed my I poked it and it hurt, I punched it several times, it hurt but I kept punching . I kept hurting myself, I picked at my scars wanting to peel them of me . I was crying and laughing at my self, I was going crazy . I curled into a ball on the floor and yanked my hair chanting it's my fault over and over again.
Ivan burst in and saw what I was doing, he removed my hair from my hair Picked my up from the ground, I wrapped my hands around his neck and my legs around his waist He walked out of the bathroom and tried to lay me on the bed but I tightened my hold on him. He nodded his head in understanding and sat on the bed with me straddling him He rubbed circles on my back trying to calm me down while I hugged him tighter
I never knew when I fell asleep, when I woke up I was in the middle of the bed covered with a duvet I poked my head up when I saw Ivan sitting and reading a book cross-legged on the sofa I watched how his toned fingers would flip through the book and how he ran his finger through his hair I was so entranced watching him that I didn't know he had noticed that I was awake. He tilted his head and met my eyes I gasped and covered my head with the duvet, I was mortified and embarrassed that he saw me shamelessly checking him out I heard a soft chuckle before I heard a shuffling sound. The bed dipped behind Me and Ivan tucked himself behind me, he covered us both with the duvet. We were both under the duvet covered my the head up to our feet My back was pressed against his chest,"lotus " my body robotically turned to him We were now face to face "Hi" I whispered shyly He didn't say anything anymore just continued to look at me I played with the drawstring of the hoodie while his eyes were piercing my body "What happened today In school?" I thought he knew already " n.no.thing" He narrowed his eyes at me "lies lotus, I Hate lies " I nodded, I didn't want to anger him but I didn't know how he would react if he knew I was in a mental institution "Aurelia post..ed a vide.o of me in a m..en..tal instit..ution" I couldn't look at him ,would he be repelled by me now I wanted his acceptance, I craved for his attention but now I was going to loose everything because of my past. "Was that your dad's grave you visited at the cemetery?" I nodded once again, i still didn't want to meet his eyes He raised my chin up and wiped my tears away I swear it was as If my eyes leaked all the time "I don't hate you nor do I think you crazy lotus" my eyes widened, he didn't hate me for my insecurities, he didn't think me as a mental patient I hugged his torso tight "Did you eat today lotus?" I shook my head No, he sighed "why lotus" "Uhmm I..I couldn't eat cause of ever..ything happe..ning today" he nodded and pulled my closer to him but as his hands touched my stomach, I winced, he looked at me before raising the hoodie up and seeing the bruise that was forming He looked livid " who did this" i was scared if I tell Ivan what happened he would take matters into his hands. "I f..ell " he huffed out a breath " Lotus I told you I hate lies " " A joc..k at school pu..shed me aga..inst a lock..er" " What's his name " I shook my head No " I . Need. A. Name . Lotus" he was mad "A..xel " He nodded and rubbed his hot palms on my bruise trying to soothe Me We got lost in each others eyes, I found his eyes different He had so many a great secrets in those eyes. He leaned towards Me and as our lips grazed each other the door bell rang.
