emmylou | natasha romanoff

twenty-nine.

2016
Manhattan, New York

Wanda wasn't doing well.

Kennedy figured that the incident would take a toll, but she didn't know just how bad it would be. For anyone to ever think that Wanda Maximoff was a terrible person, they'd think differently if they saw the status of her now.

Wanda wasn't sleeping. She wasn't really eating either. Kennedy knew the guilt was eating at her and she wished that there was something she could do to help, but Kennedy wasn't sure what else to do than to just be there. The few nights that Wanda could find sleep, Kennedy would watch over her, as though she could ward away the bad dreams.

"She's not getting better," Kennedy says to Natasha, watching Wanda poke at the food on her plate, "I thought the therapy sessions would help but I don't think they are."

"I could talk to her," Natasha says, "I know what it's like to carry around a massive amount of guilt."

"Be gentle?" Kennedy asks and Natasha nods her head.

"I will."

Kennedy gives Natasha's shoulder a pat as she heads upstairs, leaving Wanda and Natasha alone. The former spy looks over at Wanda who'd given up on eating and had shoved the plate away from herself.

Natasha heads into the kitchen and pulls out the island chair and takes a seat beside Wanda. She looks over at Natasha, "Kennedy send you to talk to me?"

"Actually, I sent myself," Natasha says, "You're not doing better."

"Thank you for stating the obvious," Wanda mutters.

"Wanda," Natasha states sighing softly, "I've done some pretty bad things in my lifetime."

"I know," Wanda says softly, "I saw inside your head in South Africa. You think you're a bad person."

"Yeah," Natasha says, "I do."

Wanda shakes her head, "You're not. Kennedy wouldn't love you if you were a bad person."

"And Kennedy wouldn't love you if you were a bad person either," Natasha responds, "You are a good person. The fact that you are haunted by your actions, that part of you that's horrified, that part is good. It means that you're still human. And it sucks, but you have to hold on to that."

"How do you get past it?" Wanda asks.

"You don't, not really," Natasha tells her, "It is probably going to haunt you for the rest of your life. I'm haunted. Sometimes I can't sleep. Sometimes I have panic attacks. I see kids who look up to me and I wonder why. I know I'm not worthy of it. And Kennedy," Natasha lets out a nervous laugh, "She's the thing I don't deserve the most. I don't deserve her. There's nothing I can do to deserve her. But every day I try. I try to earn her. I try to atone for my sins. Help people like you."

Natasha nudges Wanda and a small smile crosses her lips as she looks at the older woman. Wanda's gaze lowers thoughtfully before she looks back at Natasha, "I wanted to be like you. I look at you and the way that you carry yourself and I wanted to be like that."

Wanda's gaze drops again, her eyes burning hot with tears, "I um wanted you to be proud of me. Kennedy, she loves unconditionally, but people like you and me, we've been hurt before, and we have to earn love and I get that. And I just wanted to earn that from you, and I wasn't ready. No matter how hard I trained, and I didn't feel ready, so I thought maybe I just have to go out there and I was doing good, you know. And then – and then-"

Wanda chokes up and Natasha stares at her sympathetically, placing a hand on Wanda's shoulder, "I want you to listen to me. I am always proud of you and my love for you is unconditional. I know I might not be the best person at showing it but you're the closest thing I have to a kid and I'm going to always be there for you no matter what."