love, your sweet p

it wasn't the show.

February 2, 2019

Dear Diary,

     I'm writing this on the bus again. Today went so-so. To start, Savannah and Abby almost got bus-sick when we woke up, and I almost had a panic attack when I woke up because of the feeling of the bus moving.

     For breakfast, we went to IHOP, and the pancakes were really good. Abby seemed really nervous, more nervous than we were. But the coffee may have helped. A couple of people took pictures of us without permission and it made us a little uncomfortable.

     When we pulled up to the competition site, Abby got even more nervous. She was afraid people would be booing her. When we got off the bus with all of our luggage, however, people were screaming and waving cameras.

     I did what Abby told us to do: smile and keep walking. However, I saw Tallie in the crowd! We're in New Jersey, my hometown, and the Count Basie Center (where we're performing) is only an hour from my house!

     The line kept going into the hallway all the way up to the door. It was electrifying. It made me know that this is what I wanted to do with my life. But there were stairs so people had to lift Abby up the stairs.

     The dressing room was nice. I chose my makeup stand that I'll be using for the rest of the season: the right middle one next to Sarah and Gia. First up were our trios. I was really nervous about my trio.

     The costume made us look like clowns, which kind of fits the music. Very whimsical and clowny. But the unitard was just ridiculous. I didn't say anything because I know how hard Mom worked on it.

     When we were running through it, though, there were so many mistakes. Our spacing was awful and my feet were sickled more than usual. Stacey made Sarah cry because she competed in the intermediate level last year. And Abby basically yelled at Sarah even more.

     The other trio looked so much better. GiaNina is very sassy, so the role fit. Hannah kept falling on her turns and she was showing little emotion. But she's very stressed and her mother keeps coddling her.

     After an hour of practicing, we were off to the dances! Brady even came with us. Tallie, aka what I call Dad ran into me in the hallway and he wished me good luck! I love him and miss him so much. I wish he could come to the show, but alas, it is called Dance Moms. If it were Dance Dads, it would be so less dramatic. Right before the moms separated from us, Mom and I did our good-luck handshake. She's really my best friend.

     I could hear a large number of cheers as Abby went down the walkway. I peeked through the curtains and they had a standing ovation for her. While in the wings, the other duets and trios looked really good, especially the one with the girls named Kelly and Taylor.

     Gia, Hannah, and Savannah's trio were up first. It was really good. All three of them looked really sassy and Gia really stood out. One thing that I noticed was that Hannah kept falling out of her turns and bobbling in a really noticeable way, but it was still really good.

     Then it was our turn. The beginning started out really good, even though my timing was a little off and we didn't really fit the music. But the real kicker was when Lilly fell on her side aerial. A trick she knows like the back of her hand. After that, our spacing was terrible and our musicality was fast.

     Lilly was trying not to cry and I knew we were going to get yelled at. And sure enough, when we went back to the dressing room, Lilly was yelled at and I could tell Abby was disappointed. Lilly seemed more disappointed.

     But we couldn't think about it for long because we had to get ready for the group dance. The dress is beautiful and while marking it, we had to make sure that the blood sacs didn't break in the dress. We have two backups each: one for the second filming and one in case we burst it before we go on stage.

     I was super nervous about this one. We are representing Abby for the first time in two years. If we failed, we're finished. It would be the shortest season of Dance Moms to exist. The other group dances were super strong, too, and that stressed us out even more. But I know we can do it. Prove the haters wrong!

     I got on the ground and I immediately sickled my foot when I arched up. Then I bumped into Brady's head when he arched back. Oof. My lunge back was good, though. It was low enough for Lilly to do her penché.

     On the pop-up, I also sickle my foot. But at least the blood sac ruptured. On the judged version, Hannah and Savannah's dresses didn't rupture, but they did on the second filming. But everything else went really well and I was really proud of myself. Mom and Tallie were crying in the audience.

     Immediately after were awards. The dress felt like tomato paste, it was so icky. They started with duets and trios and then the overall group dances so we could get out first. Despite all the mistakes, I thought we had a real shot at winning. Tallie and I even did our good-luck handshake.

     However, we were called for third. My stomach is still sinking and I'm still trying to hold back hot tears just thinking about it. I let Abby down. The Kelly and Taylor girls got second and Gia's trio got first. At least somebody won.

     If we couldn't win the trio, how could we win the group dance? This is where it counts. Will we ruin the reputation for the Abby Lee Dance Company or not? There was half a point difference. We didn't get called for second. We.................................... WON! I was so happy running up on stage!

     We did it! We set a good reputation for the Abby Lee Dance Company! We were jumping up and down. We got to shout our studio's name into the mic. It was like a dance party going back into the dressing room.

     However, nothing could be good without its negatives. Stacey made a lot of drama and Lilly was super annoyed at her. But I get it. She needs to create drama to stay on the show. But I'm just as disappointed as Stacey, and I didn't make a scene. Poor Lilly broke down at the end.

     I'm sitting with Lilly on the bus on the way home. I keep having to wipe tears off her face as I'm writing this. She's Abby's favorite, or she was. Now, we're not so sure. It depends on next week. Hopefully, next week will be better.

Love,

sweet p