love, your sweet p

i needed to do it so i could be happy again.

April 24, 2019

Dear Diary,

     So... I may have left you at home lol. Oopsies! Long story short, it was actually really fun, but also really depressing. I made so many memories with everybody (except Elliana, she didn't come), and while nothing changed mentally and I couldn't sleep for stretches of four days, nothing got worse. It was honestly a pretty good break.

     But now, we're back, and we're thrust back into the hell of Dance Moms. Including this week, we only have six more weeks, but I don't know if I'll make it this long. I still feel emotions and everything, but everything else in life is bland.

     Especially food. Food just doesn't taste like much. I'm not sick physically, but food just doesn't taste... good? Like, yesterday, Mom got donuts for breakfast, one of my favorites, and it just tasted bland, like life was sucked out of it. Everything is bland and there's nothing to enjoy anymore, not even food.

     Which meant that the Georgiana drama (kinda rhymes) continues. Michelle and Abby were tense throughout the break, but now we're at the ALDC. We told Sarah she wouldn't be let go, but we didn't know.

     To start, in pyramid, right at the beginning, Michelle was banished to the viewing area. Michelle was defiant and even Sarah told her to knock it off. Eventually, Michelle retreated, but not even five minutes later, she was back, trying to take Sarah. We all had to guard around her like a wall to prevent Michelle from coming any closer. Eventually, she gave up for good.

     However, Abby said that disruption caused us enough time to not do pyramid. I'm kind of glad, or else I would have to write about all the things she said about me and they would be bad. I'm not a good dancer.

     We're going out to Cleavland this week and we're glad we're not in Pennsylvania so we won't have to deal with Studio 19. The group dance is called Stone Faced. And guess what? Hannah has the lead! She's been the underdog this entire season and now she gets a chance to shine.

     The solos are going to Sarah, Hannah, and Elliana this week. Elliana has a solo called Castaway, about an isolated kid, on a desert island. I think that's how Yolanda and Elliana feel, even though we don't mean to.

     Sarah's dance is called The Scarlet Letter. Not much basis was given on that by Sarah. I'm pretty sure she doesn't know what it means. Hannah's solo is called Stigmata, where she's an atheist getting burned and crucified for not liking religion, I think? They're all so confusing!

     While we were rehearsing the group dance, Ann was crying because, apparently, the moms were bashing her with questions about her behavior with Hannah. I kind of agree with the moms. Ann treats Hannah like she's six, but she's fourteen as of almost a month now.

     After that, it was really bland and weird. I didn't find jokes funny or videos interesting, but I faked smiles and laughs. What is wrong with me? I have to be a broken person. People are happy, I used to be happy. What's wrong with me? It's like everything is painful but also nothing.

Love,

sweet p