love, your sweet p

Day 2

May 14, 2019

Dear Diary,

     I know this isn't Dance Moms stuff, but I don't have any other diary to share it in. I'm trying to convince Tallie and Mommy to let me back on. But they have the final decision. I really hope they make the right one and let me back on the show.

     Today we had to spend an entire day at the doctor's office. Well, Mom and I. Tallie has to go to work again. Oh my gosh, I forgot how boring the doctor was. We also had to meet with a psychiatrist. And a therapist.

     First was the general doctor. I was due for a checkup anyway, so I got my normal checkup. But I was also there to get tests for my liver and my stomach. I screwed those up when I almost died. I had to get an MRI.

     MRI's are SO LOUD. Oh my gosh, I thought I was going to explode in there. And you have to stay still, which was so hard. Anyway, the damage to my liver and stomach was minor and everything looked okay. A couple of more weeks and it will be fine.

     Then we had to go to a psychiatrist. Last night, we had decided to go down a medicinal route, so the psychiatrist had to give me meds. I'm starting Prozac next week. I don't like taking medicine. Hopefully, I'll go off of it soon.

     Last was the therapist. Her name was Mrs. Green. She was nice, but I don't like opening my thoughts to full strangers. She and I had a trial session and nothing happened. We just sat there. All she learned was that I danced.

     Then we went out for ice cream, which was okay. But I have a secret to tell you that I haven't told my parents: I'm always trying to kill myself. Every night, I take a pair of scissors that they didn't hide away and I hold it to my wrists. But I always chicken out.

     On Thursday, we're heading out to Atlantic City for the weekend. It's a 50-50 chance in my opinion. Maybe we'll make it, maybe we won't.

Love,

sweet p