love, your sweet p

Day 3

***lilly***

     The air and the atmosphere are different the second Mom and I dive up to the ALDC. Mom and I had faced many odd and damaging events during our time on Dance Moms, but they were normally forgiven and, subsequently, forgotten. But this is different.

     Pressley, one of the original season eight kids, isn't here. And it's not because her mother dragged her out or a producer kicked her off. It's because she almost killed herself. According to the suicide note, these feelings had been festering for a while, but we all know this show did something to her. It was the last straw.

     In the dancer's den, it's super quiet. Pressley always lit up the room with a smile from ear to ear and a crazy story from when she was seven years old or some funny game she learned from Jersey public school. Without her, it's boring, empty, and lonely.

     It's also odd to see Berkleigh and Paris are both here. Abby had emailed all of us, claiming that Paris was the girl who was originally going to be chosen. However, when Abby heard that Pressley had tried to kill herself, and they were in Jersey for the week to recover, it was decided that Berkleigh would be a swing for the week.

     I honestly hope Pressley doesn't come back. This place isn't healthy for her. Suicidal idealization and a reality television show are like oil and water: they don't mix. I'm scared that if she comes back, she'll do it again. There is a big bridge only fifteen minutes away that is very high.

     I can't stop thinking about Sunday. Everybody is calling me a hero for saving her life, but I just feel numb. Pressley is like my big sister. It doesn't feel heroic to see your big sister clinging onto life by a thread. It feels sickening.

     And to have her scream in my face after made me cry. Mom said it was because she didn't want to believe that she was still alive. She was mad she was alive. She wanted to die. So seeing Brady and I, who saved her life, made her furious. I don't blame her.

     "Kids, get in here!" Abby yells, and we all make our way in, nervous to see how Sunday's events will impact the pyramid.

     Immediately, Abby looks very sad and cross as we enter Studio A. I stand next to Brady. We've become inseparable because, as said in Stranger Things, we have shared trauma. Seeing your best friend almost dead does some stuff to you.

     After a few moments of silence, Abby says, "Today was supposed to be a happy occasion. We won first place even with two newbies on the team. I was going to report that Diana was doing okay in the hospital. I was going to announce that Paris had made the cut. But, none of that will be happening today.

     As many, if not all of you know, something devastating happened. Pressley, as you can see, is not here. On Sunday evening, she..."

     Abby starts crying. Abby never cries. Tears start streaming down all of our faces as she continues, "...attempted to take her own life. She, thank God, was not successful. Right now, she is out of the hospital and doing well. She is in New Jersey for the week and may or may not be back next week.

     Now, I've built my brand around the saying, "Everyone's replaceable." And I know I said it last week, but sometimes you don't want to replace people. Despite her actions last week with the costume, Pressley got the jacket because she is a team player and she has great musicality. She's this beacon of light and one of the most sunshiney kids I've ever met. Therefore, her team jacket is still going to her and it will remain with her and we wish her and her family well."

     This week is going to be so weird.

~~~~~