love, your sweet p

Day 11

May 23, 2019

Dear Diary,

     Guess who's back? Me! Mom took my diary after she read it (again) and heard that I wanted to drown in the ocean. Then when we went to the beach on Sunday and I didn't try to drown myself in the ocean, as well as officially started therapy, she gave it back. Anyway, we're back now. And we're back in Pittsburgh.

     Everybody was so excited to have me back. For the first time in a while, I felt like I belonged. But obviously, something BAD had happened last week with Sarah because she was CRYING. Gia made sure to check in on everybody, which was sweet. Apparently, Sarah's mom was attacked. In the end, the girls concluded it was their mom's fault.

     The pyramid was absolute chaos. Michelle and Stacey fought like bears and it ended in SARAH. LEAVING. Like, quitting the team. I feel awful. Maybe Mom could have stopped this. But now we're down a team member. We all couldn't stop crying during pyramid. Sarah's gone.

     SOMEHOW, I got the final bottom spot. Granted, Sarah was taken off the pyramid, but I was close to being in the middle and I didn't dance? Not bad. I shouldn't deserve to be on the pyramid altogether, but it is what it is. On top was Lilly. She won a National award with her solo, so good job lil' sis.

     The group dance is called Rising from the Ashes. It's about Abby's comeback. People thought she was dust, that she was a goner. But she came back stronger than ever. I guess I'm kind of the same way. People thought I was dead. I thought I was dead. But, unfortunately, I came back.

     Brady, Paris, and I have solos. Brady's is called Eyes on Me. He's wearing a frickin blindfold in his dance! I don't know about you, diary, but dancing with a blindfold is really dangerous. But we learned later on it was mesh, according to Brady.

     Paris got a solo called Rock Bottom. She's dancing in a bathtub. It's a reference to... WHITNEY HOUSTON. I love Abby, but that was a low blow. If you don't know, Whitney Houston died of an overdose in the bathtub.

     My solo, which I'm still amazed I got, is called Flower Child. It's about a hippie protesting for women's rights. Abby told me if I win this, I get to do a solo at Nationals. I think I should lose on purpose. Brady deserves it more than the girl who tried to kill herself.

     I don't hate dancing as much as I remember, but it was just... bleh. It was extra sad without Sarah here. It didn't help that I kept wanting to just break down. This topic that we're dancing about is way too early in my mind after what just went down.

     But I guess one fun part about it was the ashes. It was black flour and man, it was super slippery. But not as slippery as the water. They went everywhere and Abby even did donuts in the ashes with her wheelchair. We didn't work on the solos, though.

Love,

sweet p