love, your sweet p

this was the only way

February 27, 2019

Dear Diary,

     Today was the day that we were going to find out who was going to go home. Pyramid was weird at the beginning. The moms were talking in the den about who was going home while we had to wait. Good thing is, Lilly was feeling a lot better.

     I was pretty sure I was going to go. It made sense. I don't deserve to be here. But then Abby did something so unexpected, it made the moms cry. Well, some of them. She's sending BRADY home. The excuse is that Brady's, "too good," but I know that the reason is the producers are sending him home.

     Safe to say, we all felt like crying. Brady took it gracefully but he was upset. I'm so upset at myself. Why didn't they send me home instead? I deserve it more than him. Why couldn't I have just quit?

     Tricia got really angry at everybody because they thought Brady was never going to go home. But Stacey seemed happy. Not obviously, but we could tell. Lilly felt really bad. She thinks it's Stacey's fault.

     Onto pyramid. HOW DID I MANAGE TO GET ON TOP? The producers must have made Abby do it. Mom and Tallie are proud, but I'm not. I don't deserve that place. Brady does. He didn't make these mistakes in the duet.

     We're going to Pennsylvania, so I think Tallie will come this week. The group dance is called King of Queens and it's Freddie Mercury again. I think the concept is okay. We have four solos. Brady has a ballet solo called Swan Song about the black swan from Swan Lake, Hannah and Gia are going up against each other again: Hannah with a jazz called Tainted Rose about Gypsy Rose Lee, AN ACTUAL STRIPPER, and Gia with a lyrical called Snowflake, dedicated to her grandmother who passed away ten days during her Broadway debut.

     I also got a solo called The Legend of Resurrection Mary. It's about this legend of a girl who went out to dance, got into a fight with a boy at the dance, walked home from the dance, and got hit by a car. I felt sick when she was explaining it.

     This solo is bringing up so many bad memories, but I have to conceal them. Broadway producers don't care, they'll just fire you if you don't like it. During rehearsal, I almost ran out. I can remember all of the sounds and emotions and the smoke and seeing Mom passed out in the car and Mom screaming for help and going to the hospital the day after my fifth birthday. Dancing doesn't feel so good now.

     The group dance is okay, but it's tainted by my solo and the fact Brady is leaving. I love to dance, but it feels less like an escape than it used to. The group dance is awesome, though. I love the Queen music that will definitely be copyrighted!

     Maybe if I win this solo, I can deserve to be on the team. This day has been really hard, so I'm going to go to sleep.

Love,

sweet p