Stars To My Moon || BTS Soulmate AU || OT7

Chapter 60

"I don't want to make a connection."

My breath hitched, heartbeat so frantic I could hear it in my ears- feel it in my chest, the small lump growing in the back of my throat as the familiar sting makes itself known in my eyes.

These words tumbling out of his mouth did not feel like mere words but arrows piercing my heart. Yoongi was literally telling me that he did not want me- wanted nothing to do with me.

Is this what the guys felt every time I said I didn't want them? If so- I feel so guilty for making them go through this feeling. It was the worst. It felt like my heart is in an iron-clad grip, slowly but surely crumbling.

This-Yoongi rejecting me- is karma, I decide. I've always believed in it, then how could I forget it when I was hurting the boys that it would come to bite me in the ass. How could I lose sight of one of the most paramount teachings of my life that what you give out to the world; comes back at you?

However, Yoongi speaks again before I go tumbling down the dark side of my mind, probably seeing the distress on my face.

"Not yet."

When my eyes snap back at him, he averts his eyes back to his fingers that have now come to rest on his thighs, playing with each other.

"What?" I whisper, confused by his statement.

Not yet? Not yet what? Make the connection?

My eyes widen as my mind finally clicks.

He doesn't want to make a connection yet, but he does want to make it? He's- He's not rejecting me? Not disgusted with the thought of sharing me?

"I'm having this talk with you because I don't want to make the connection by accident, or in the heat of the moment, or because of anger. I want us to go at our own pace." He doesn't notice- because he is still actively trying to avoid any eye contact with me- but his words are enough to make a blooming smile etch to my lips. He continues as his hands come to scratch his ear, "I don't want us to feel obligated in a relationship just because the universe has quite literally ordered us to; I want us to try and see where this goes. You and me, but only if you agree. I don't want to do anything that would make you uncomfortable-"

"-Hey! Hey! It's alright." I cut him off from his rambling. His mere words were enough to set my heart on fire- beating so fast I fear it could jump out of my chest. My hands twitch at my side with the urge to go up to him and cup his cheeks to soothe him.

However, while trying to reign in my heartbeat, I settle on soothing him by words- just as he did- "You're not making me uncomfortable, Yoongi. You're right. All of the connections I've made were never by choice- always some reason behind it. And I agree with you to take this slow- at our pace. We don't need to touch and connect. I'm content by just knowing that you aren't running the other way after knowing or rejecting me-"

The sentence dies on my tongue when his head snaps to look at me, eyes wide, making me confused at his reaction.

"What?" He questions softly.

"What?" I parrot back, still not able to understand the reason behind his reaction.

"Why would you think I'll reject you?" He stands up, scowling, coming around the counter and leaning on it with his arms crossed- almost as if he was offended by the thought.

"Um...well, first off, you knew and still kept your distance- not just physically. You disappeared for days, and don't get me started on when you were here. Secondly, Yoongi..." I sigh out his name, too nervous to meet his eyes- (Oh! how the tables turn!)- I continue, "You know this bond is not an obligation until the connection is made, so considering that you still have a choice, I would like to think you're choosing not to reject me."