Mayari

Elastic Heart

    Something was going on. You could feel it. Ever since Loki came back, he's been more attentive towards you. Not that you minded, but Bucky had been more distant as well. He would be kind whenever you walked into the same room as him but leave immediately afterward. He would say 'hi' to you in passing by nodding his head only, then quickly moving on. It was almost like he was avoiding you. As if there was a swinging ax above his head waiting to strike and you were the one holding the rope.

    "He'll come around, love. He just needs time to process." Loki said to you.

    "Process what?" Loki took a moment and looked at you. He debated within himself to tell you the whole truth or just parts of it. Suddenly, a message came through Loki's phone. You could hear the familiar chime as new messages were being sent. He ignored it and chose to answer you instead.

    "What we did, in our mission...it hit a little too close to home with Sgt. Barnes." Loki said. "The business had a lot to do with mind control and memory wipes. So you can imagine how it affected him." Loki tried to explain.

    "Oh. So he's just wary of me because I can do those things? Does...he resent me?" You asked self-consciously.

    "No. No. No. Darling. He doesn't resent you. Why would you think that?" Loki took your hand and pulled you into an embrace.

    "Do you resent me?" You signed to him. You looked into his eyes. You couldn't bring yourself to ask the question aloud. His phone chimed again. This time it was an actual phone call. Loki pressed the side button, quieting down the ringtone.

    "No, Mayari. Where is this coming from?" Loki asked in disbelief.

    "I know about what happened that time when you tried to take over. With Thanos. Mind control is...it's about taking your free will away. I would understand why you would be wary of people who can do it. People like me." You signed.

    "Darling, I would never resent you. Your power is a part of you. It's what makes you who you are. It's a gift that makes you unique. Plus, I am completely infatuated by you and everything that you do. You could stab me, choke me, do anything you want, really, and I would always know that it came from a place of love. It's quite unhealthy now that I think about it." Loki said, trying to make light of the conversation. You chuckled at his response.

    "I'm sorry Mayari. We failed you. I failed you." Loki said to you with regret in his eyes. "We didn't really succeed in securing our target. That puts a whole other level of disappointment felt by everyone on that team."

    "Loki, why...how..." You didn't know how to respond to that. Why does failing their mission mean they failed me? How exactly did they fail me? Why does Loki feel that way about himself? You were so confused. So many questions on the tip of your tongue and you wanted answers to all of them.

    Loki waited for you to ask. He wanted to finally tell you. He promised the others he wouldn't tell you what was going on, but he didn't want to lie to you about it either.

    "You have never failed me." You said to him with a clear and steady voice. "You have always taken care of me and protected me." You picked the one focus that you thought was the most important to discuss at the time, his self-doubts. The one topic that Loki did not want to talk about at the moment.

    "Oh, I could think of a couple of times," Loki said with a sigh.

    "Hmm...no...nope...I can't think of one." You said playfully. You took his face into your hands and straddled his lap. A small smile came to his lips. "However, there were plenty of times you've watched over me and supported me." You whispered as you placed a kiss on his lips. "Thank you, my prince."