Mayari

Misguided Ghosts

    Loki let go of your head. He stumbled back from your memories. So long and so much heartache. How had he not known? There was a whole life you had before you ever met that you hadn't shared with him. You were right. He didn't know you at all. Loki felt ashamed and confused. He only meant to subdue you. Maybe put you to sleep. He had not expected the flood of memories that rushed through.

    Your similarities were a lot more in common than he thought. A cruel father. An overbearing older brother. A lost mother.

    You compelled the soldiers to do your bidding, then you had inadvertently caused her death. You thought yourself a monster.

    You stumbled to the ground crying. You had not thought about those memories in a long time. You had suppressed the recollections of seeing her lying there cold in her blood. You tried to push those memories down now, so you wouldn't feel the ever-crushing guilt that came with it.

    Looking back at the times you had used your powers in front of him. You were always wary of them. You didn't like compelling people to do your bidding. You hated your powers, he realized.

    You were trying to find a way to tell him all along. But all he ever thought about was having you in his arms, on his bed. He thought that if he could keep you satisfied and feeling wanted, that it would be enough. You thought it would be enough. In the end, it was only a distraction.

    "Darling. I know now. Please. I'm sorry I didn't listen before. But I'm here now."

    "No! I need to leave."

    "Mayari, I don't understand. We were in this together." He yelled after you. Your hand gripped his throat. His eyes widened in shock. Your nails digging into his skin. He seized your wrist trying to get a grip. Trying to break free from your surprising strength. He twisted your arm, burning your skin. You squeezed harder, pushing him away from you.

    "No! I was meant to be alone. People would use me. They would USE ME! I see why my papa tried to hide me away now."

    "Mayari, stop...this...now. We need..."

    "I need no man!" You pushed him away from you. Loki's body weak from the lack of oxygen. He laid on the ground like a rag doll trying to catch his breath. Your eyes grew wide at what you just did. What you were capable of. You need to get away before you hurt him any further. He needs to let you go. For both your sakes. Loki coughed as he tried to regain his balance. His bloodshot eyes blurry, searching for you.

    "I am sick and tired of being told what to do. People use me for their own selfish gains and then tell me that I'm not good enough when I don't do as they ask. Don't you think I know that? Doesn't the universe know that I feel like shit every day? That I hate myself because of what I've done. The horrible things I have done in my past. I killed my mama! I caused that to happen, Loki! I force people to like me. Then I take their souls away. I am a monster." You could barely get the words out. Your anger and sadness overflowing, causing them to form tears and spill.

     "Mayari, please. Don't do this," he said, holding his hands up towards your hazy figure approaching him. "No one thinks that of you! I don't think that of you!"

    That's when it clicked. Loki will never let you go until he feels like he's fixed you. But you will never be fixed. You have to make him see that. You're never going to be good enough. You have to make him hate you.

    "You will never stop, will you?" You said as you pushed him down to the ground with your right foot. Your heel stabbing his shoulder. He let out a cry, grabbing your leg. He tried to push you off. "Fight me!"