XIAO ZHAN,YOU ARE MY WEI YING!

CHAPTER 32

Lan Wangji was shocked to see the crying Xiao Zhan in front of him.

"I-i wasn't doing anything."

"Wasn't?! Weren't you about to drown yourself?!" Said Xiao Zhan with fear in both his voice and expression.

Lan Wangji could feel the panic and fear within Xiao Zhan's voice and so he decided to get away from the sea with Xiao Zhan and when they were far enough, he started calming Xiao Zhan down.

Xiao Zhan is having a panic attack.

Lan Wangji knew it, he's always had panic attacks on days where he miss Xiao Zhan or Were forced to do some interactions with people he doesn't like.

He still remembers those long 5-10 minutes of fear and panic he has in him while Standing in the bathroom with his sweaty face.

Personally, Lan Wangji prefers Being alone in a bathroom when having panic attacks. If it's not Xiao Zhan, then no one's allowed to touch him.

Xiao Zhan's face was sweating and he's started to gasp, Lan Wangji knew that Xiao Zhan's condition is getting worse.

"Xiao Zhan, it's okay, it's okay Xiao Zhan. Can I please hug you?" Asked Lan Wangji with Longing in his eyes.

Xiao Zhan just kept gasping for air and then leaned on Lan Wangji's arms.

Lan Wangji felt His Chest touch Xiao Zhan's head and when that happened,  Lan Wangji's eyes started tearing up.

Lan Wangji hugged Xiao Zhan as if he's the most precious treasure Lan Wangji has in the whole world and Cried.

There, Xiao Zhan was being calmed down by Lan Wangji's hug and He could feel the tears streaming down Lan Wangji's face down to his shoulder.

Lan Wangji... Why Leave me if you can't even be happy without me?

"Xiao Zhan, it's okay...it's okay...it's okay..." Lan Wangji kept whispering the same words while tightly hugging Xiao Zhan in his arms, he didn't know whether he was saying it to himself or to Xiao Zhan that's already stopped having panic attacks.

After 15 minutes of hugging and crying, Xiao Zhan pulled away from the hug.

Lan Wangji's arms suddenly felt empty again, he looked at Xiao Zhan with his wet eyes.

He started wiping His Tears and looked at Xiao Zhan with his expecting eyes, not even knowing what to expect.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't doing anything dangerous really, I just wanted to play in the ocean for a little bit."

Xiao Zhan blushed knowing that he got the wrong idea.

"Oh, I see." Said Xiao Zhan and looked away from Lan Wangji.

The two stayed silent for a while until Lan Wangji started talking again...

"Xiao Zhan i-"

Lan Wangji was about to say something when Xiao Zhan fastly stood up and looked at Lan Wangji with his stern expression as if saying that he doesn't want to hear any of Lan Wangji's explanation.

"If you're ok then that's good, pardon me but I need to leave now."

Lan Wangji knew he should let Xiao Zhan go, there's still many time where he can talk to Xiao Zhan about everything but when he saw Xiao Zhan walking away from him, he suddenly panicked and hugged Xiao Zhan again.

Xiao Zhan bit his Lower lip, trying so hard to hold in his tears.

"What are you doing, Lan Wangji?" Xiao Zhan's voice was shaking....

"I can't....can't you just stay with me?"

Xiao Zhan Bitterly smiled, faced Lan Wangji, and took Lan Wangji's arms off his waist.

"You're So Selfish Lan Wangji, don't you have any shame? Do you even know what I felt when you left me? I was so confused, I didn't know what I did wrong I blamed myself for being insecure with that Wei Ying you're always comparing me with! I'd even waited for you for so many days, hoping that you'll turn back and come back to me!I even! I even wanted to Post your pictures and everything with a Missing person sign you know that? I was that desperate... desperate trying to have you back in my house, you were my everything Lan Wangji...I don't even know how that happened. I just woke up and found out that you already have my everything, that you already hold my whole being. Do you know what it feels like to have everything you've ever wanted taken away from you? It wasn't even taken away, It left me! It made me feel so Scared I even started having these panic attacks! And then when I found you... you're already some popular model? Good Job Lan Wangji! In those days where I was hopelessly looking for you, you're already making your way to success!"

Lan Wangji could only shake his head, he was at fault, he knew that.

"Xiao Zhan, it wasn't like that i--"

"BUT IT FUCKING FEELS LIKE THAT FOR ME,DO YOU FUCKING KNOW THAT?!" Xiao Zhan Shouted.

Lan Wangji was shocked, he knew he had scarred Xiao Zhan, but now that he's seeing Xiao Zhan acting like this, he knew he had caused too much damage that he'll have to repent with his whole life.

Lan Wangji Didn't know what to say,he just stood still for 10 minutes, feeling lost, misunderstood, Guilty and many more feelings that he found hard to hold in.

He wanted to say something, something that would make Xiao Zhan at least try and listen to his explanation or maybe even try and forgive him.

He needs this chance...he needs this. he needs Xiao Zhan...

Finally,Lan Wangji was able to speak again.

"But it doesn't have to be that way anymore...." Weakly said Lan Wangji

Xiao Zhan looked at Lan Wangji as if h couldn't believe him and his words.

He looked at Lan Wangji With His fierce and angry eyes.

"You're right...it doesn't have to be like that anymore, cause I'm never getting back with you."

After that, Both of them Heard the sound of Lan Wangji's heart breaking.