Lan Wangji's knees turned weak with Xiao Zhan's words that made his head spin.
He's scared, He's Scared to death.
Lan Wangji suddenly kneeled looking lost and desperate in front of Xiao Zhan.
"Xiao Zhan no! At least let me explain! Please! Just one more chance I don't care anymore I don't think I can live without you!"
Lan Wangji's panicking, he didn't know how and what to say to make Xiao Zhan Stay with him.
Xiao Zhan just stood there with his lifeless eye, looking at Lan Wangji with nothing but coldness.
Lan Wangji Became more desperate and scared, maybe he's too late maybe Xiao Zhan had already found someone more interesting than him maybe....
Lan Wangji's head was starting to be full of maybe's and what ifs.
After that, he started hugging Xiao Zhan's knees while still kneeling on the sand, not caring about his knees hurting.
"Did you find someone better? Do you not love me anymore? Is that it?...." Xiao Zhan still didn't answer.
Xiao Zhan's suffering, he didn't know what to do he just knows that he's suffering and Lan Wangji Coming back in his life is causing him to remember more of his painful past after being left behind by Lan Wangji.
Xiao Zhan lost it when Lan Wangji Got up and tried to Kiss Xiao Zhan on his lips.
Xiao Zhan pushed Lan Wangji away,HARD.
"What do you think you're doing?!" Angrily asked Xiao Zhan while looking at Lan Wangji with his deadly glares.
Lan Wangji bitterly smiled.
"Just checking if you're still there."
Xiao Zhan Blinked multiple times, flabbergasted at What Lan Wangji had said.
"Do you think that's funny?"
Lan Wangji became silent and his smile slowly faded.
"No. What the hell is funny about this situation? I was an asshole and I left you making you feel insecure and ruining our chance to be happy together,I should have known better than to leave you! Maybe I was too proud of myself, maybe because In the past I was more used to people praising me for being good at everything. That's why when I came to this world, lost and confused about everything, maybe I had unconsciously felt insecure and disappointed of myself. I don't know why I did what I did...but what I know is... It's all pointless if I can't have you."
Lan Wangji Even Smirked as if he's finding his realizations funny.
"Ha! When I think about it, wouldn't I look like the Scumbag ex that appears just to ruin everything in the movies?but I...I'm not even trying to ruin everything, I'm just trying to make a place for myself in your life and get to fix my mistakes. Don't they say that Everyone deserves a second Chance? I don't think I'm that bad of a person to not deserve it...." Said Lan Wangji and then his face started becoming distorted, Xiao Zhan knew that Lan Wangji's stopping himself from sobbing.
"Did you even think about me and how I felt?" Xiao Zhan mumbled, sounding obedient.
Lan Wangji bit his Lower lip,Hard. making blood come out of it.
"Everyday, everyday was so tiring for me...but you know what keeps me from enduring it all? You. I want to come back to you with something to be proud of, so you can be proud of me and you wouldn't be embarrassed to show me off. those times when I have to associate and just work all day without any rest? Did you really think I was happy? No. I was so fucking lonely at that time that I started taking sleeping pills cause of Insomnia and Depression. and My dreams and nightmares Always consists of you....how Could I not think of you when my life basically revolves around you?"
" Then why fucking leave me if you won't be happy either way?!"
"Because I didn't want you to suffer with me! I know I made a bad decision and I'm regretting it EVERY SINGLE DAY! not a day goes by that I don't fear you loving someone else other than me! I thought it was better for me to suffer alone,I never thought that you'd suffer as much as I do!but when I knew how much you really suffered, I suddenly felt lost...then, what was everything I gave up for?I felt stupid and I saw myself as a failure. I...had never experienced such grief until the day I realized how much pain I've caused you."
"........."
Lan Wangji looked at Xiao Zhan With his aggrieved face, he's scared, he feels like he's going crazy...he's willing to do everything he can as long as Xiao Zhan stays besides him.
He can't deal with his mind and heart anymore.
It's Always telling him to go back to Xiao Zhan and apologize to him....go back and fix everything.
Those years he spent modelling, he had thought nothing but going back to Xiao Zhan.
Now that he's already here, the thought that He may not be able to come back and fix everything makes him feel crazy.
He's going crazy thinking about his Life without his Xiao Zhan....
Lan Wangji Feels likes seeing his whole world falling apart in front of him.. suddenly, all his dreams has gone to dust and reality punched him with so much impact that it left him crumbling to pieces..
Xiao Zhan looked at Lan Wangji,looking lost.
He started pacing back and forth, kicking everything he can kick as if he's venting all his anger out. He then turned to look at Lan Wangji with his Scrunched up face looking so Lost and shouted
"THEN WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?!YOU FUCKING LEFT ME!AM I NOT ALLOWED TO FALL OUT OF LOVE WITH YOU?!"
In Xiao Zhan's situation,it was more like him asking himself whatever he shouted.
He's so confused, he knew that he still loved Lan Wangji despite all the brainwashing he did with himself.
He hates his pathetic heart for wanting to give up and just Run to Lan Wangji.
YOU ARE READING
XIAO ZHAN,YOU ARE MY WEI YING!
Fanfiction"you can't possibly make 'wei ying' as your password!it's not qualified!you need something like 123 for God's sake!not Wei ying!" Exclaimed Jiang Cheng Incredulously while looking at Lan Wangji! "what did you just say?!"said Lan Wangji while alread...
