The Big Reveal

Chapter 70 | Blame

Dong Woo looks confusedly at the x-rays. Though he is trying his best to look normal as far as possible, that is what is making him even more suspicious. He finally places the x-rays on his desk and averts his attention to the lying computer screen. He has turned old now. I have been his patient for so long and he always treats me like his own daughter.

"Ummm," he finally utters and dad looks at him nervously. He pouts and looks back on the x-rays. "There's just a minor thing bothering me, but overall she is good."

"Don't lie to me, doctor," I say, leaning closer to the desk now. He furrowed his eyebrows at me and looked as if I was speaking another language.

"That doctor didn't just tell me to see a doctor if it was 'good'" I annotated with my fingers, and he understood my point.

"Well," he says again, taking a deep breath.

"What is it, Dong Woo?" Dad asks him, his voice clearly showing concern.

"I have studied the x-rays thoroughly, but I may still need some time to study the tests." He says.

"So, are you coming to any conclusion?" I inquire. His incomplete sentences are making me irritated. He stays silent.

"Can I talk to your dad? Alone?" I haven't seen him this worried. I have fallen sick thousand times, but he always dealt with patients. I take a sigh and lean against the chair.

"Doctor, I don't mind leaving, but it's me who you are talking about. If I won't know what's wrong, how can I help myself? It's my body at the end, it's all on me."

Dong Woo nods, lightly and opens his mouth to defend his point, but dad speaks before him.

"Dong Woo, say it. There should be nothing hidden from her." I look at him, trying to understand if he really means it. I hope there still isn't anything I don't know about.

"Alright, then." Dong Woo stands up and goes to a small digital screen on the wall. He does something on the remote and in a minute, a large picture of lungs appears on it.

It's mine, yeah.

"To what I have noticed, her lung capacity is reducing." He looks back at us to see our dumb faces. "By that, what I mean is that she doesn't have a normal breathing capacity now. We all breathe to 70% of our lung capacity, which is the maximum."

"What's the percentage now?" I have never been this keen. He pouts yet again and looks at me for a long minute.

"55%"

As soon as the words left his mouth, dad's face went blue and his body started shaking. I sensed the sudden movement and held his hand tightly.

"Dad, don't panic. Everything is alright." When it wasn't.

"So, what...what will be...the effect?" Dad babbled to him.

"I am wondering myself. It has gone down, unexpectedly. And it's not normal." He comes and sits back in his seat. "That's why; your nose was bleeding as you told me."

He stays silent and types something on the keyboard.

"Hana, you are taking excessive stress nowadays. Your anxiety levels are elevating and it's causing diverse effects on your lungs. I told you to keep yourself relaxed, as much as possible." His tone is strict, but I am not surprised. I expected even worse.

"I am trying, doctor." He pursed his lips and typed again.

"I am writing some more medicines. Leave the last one you are taking. Also, I am giving you another inhaler; a bit stronger than the last one."

I nod and tap dad's shoulder to relax him.

"Also, I am recommending you some exercises. It can help you increase your oxygen intake."

He finally stops typing and the printer produces a paper.

"Han Joon, we might need to have an artificial supply of oxygen for her. She has to take in a fixed amount of oxygen, every day." He hands the stupid paper to dad and he nods. "I'll get you everything, don't worry."

I am listening to him and it doesn't sound good. An oxygen exchange through nasal tubes? NO. Though you cannot feel the nasal tubes in your nose, that was the worst part I had to face on the hospital beds. And now, I have to pretend to be normal with them. Yes, I loved watching "The fault in our stars", and it was quite relatable, but I hate the nasal tubes at the end.

"I'll use the restroom and come back," I stood up leaving some space for dad and Dong Woo. I know he has almost told me everything he needed to, but I want him to be comfortable with dad. As I clutch the knob to close the door behind me, I heard dad's voice.

"Dong Woo, my daughter will be fine, right?" I gulped down the lump I was holding in my throat for so long and ran to the restroom, with tears in my eyes.

*******************

A sudden thud catches my attention. I look across the kitchen to see dad hitting the table with his foot.

"That's why..."

He hits his foot again, a thousand times stronger. The table moves of the force. I just stand with a glass of milk in my hand and watch him. The next move shakes me. He slides everything off the table with his arm.

"I knew!" He turned to the wall and hit his fist on the wall, aggressively.

"Dad," I mumbled, but he didn't hear me and kept on hitting his fist on the wall. The little red stains on the wall alert me and I run toward him to stop him.

"Dad, stop this," I clench his fist in my hand.

"Leave me! I don't deserve to live!" He hits his head on his hands now. My hands aren't enough to stop his actions and he just keeps on shouting.

"Dad!" I scream in his ear, though it hurts.

"Don't call me dad. I am the worst father one could have." His quick yet uncontrollable movements make him hit the sofa and he falls on it.

"Dad, please no." I cried, holding his face in my hands. Suddenly, his anger flies away and he starts to cry. This is the second time I am seeing him crying like this. Once, when he told me that mom met with an accident and then, now. I know how many times he has cried behind the closed doors of his room, but he pretends to be strong. I could understand. He can't lose me now. He's too possessive of me, and if I go away, he won't survive.

"Ji Hoo...left me amidst everything," he says in a crying voice. "And now you are thinking of that too?" He looks at me now and I try to hold my tears, but they don't stop flowing.

"Hiding the truth, for your own good, was such a bad decision? I don't understand."

"No, dad. I am sorry I shouldn't have acted that way, I am sorry dad!" I hug him tight and we both cry for a long time. It has been difficult not talking to him. It was pricking me everywhere.

"I am sorry, dad. I am sorry that you have to keep this all to yourself for this long. I understand it now, I do. Everything." His crying fills the apartment and I just tap him on his head, as if silencing a baby.

"Please, don't cry dad. You are my last hope in everything."

He suddenly grips me tight.

"I am sorry too, my love. I have failed myself. What would I say to your mom when I meet her? That I wasn't able to look after you?"

He sobs in-between.

"I made you a promise, the first night your mother wasn't here. That I would be your mother, father, and your friend. But this is not what they do! This is just not!"

I pull myself to look into his eyes, against his tight grip.

"Dad, you have kept your promise. I couldn't ask for a better father or a friend than you. You filled mom's absence so many times and a million times, I am thankful to you for that. Dad, you did your best. You are my everything, dad!"

I remove his glasses and wipe his tears from his wrinkled cheeks. He finally stops crying and breathing heavily and hugs me again.