ATEEZ Oneshots (Requests Closed)

San ~Concussion~

Trigger Warning

Multiple Mentions of Vomiting

San's POV

It's been over a year since our Kingdom performances, so we decided to put together a little show for Atiny. Hongjoong arranged for us to have an online concert where we're going to perform all of the songs we did during Kingdom. That's in about 2 or 3 weeks, so right now, we're all working hard relearn all of them. It usually wouldn't be hard, but given that many of the songs were performed through stressful times, and we have different versions to the songs, it a little bit harder to pick them up again. Well, a little bit harder for the other's, a lot harder for me. I've been struggling quite a bit. I'm not learning them as well as the rest of the boys are.

We've been running through our Wonderland performance for the past hour and a half. The other's have already almost got everything down pat, whereas I'm still struggling on almost half of it. After making yet another mistake during one of the run throughs, my frustrations finally got the better of me and I hurried out of the room. I was breathing heavily, trying to keep calm so I knew I needed to get away from the others. I hurried down the halls, swinging the door to the bathroom open and going inside. I don't like the other's seeing me vulnerable, especially when it's going to be so burdensome. It's been an hour and a half, and I still haven't been able to relearn it, how stupid is that. I'm an Idol, I'm supposed to be smart and good at this. But clearly I'm not. I'm not good enough to be performing with the other members, I'm useless. My eyes welled up with tears, and they quickly begun to fall as I thought about how bad I've been doing. I'm not good enough for this.

I startled when the door to the bathroom suddenly opened again. I turned to see Hongjoong walking in before quickly turning away, trying to hide my tears. It didn't work though, as mere seconds later, Hongjoong was wrapping his arms around my shoulders and hugging me tightly. I hugged him back, resting my head on his shoulder and crying into it. He stayed quiet, not saying anything but holding me for comfort. It took a few minutes for me to calm down, but once I did, we pulled apart.

"What's wrong," he asked gently.

"I'm fine," I said quickly, shaking my head. The last thing I want, is to be bothering Hongjoong about my stupid thoughts, because of my uselessness in the thing I'm supposed to be good at.

"That is a very obvious lie," Hongjoong said, raising an eyebrow.

"I'll be fine," I said, shrugging slightly. Hongjoong still didn't seem to believe me, which isn't a surprise given he saw me cry and is probably in protective leader mode.

"Let's go to my studio," he said gently. Ok, so I'm gonna be getting a long lecture I'm guessing. You only go to his studio if he needs to talk to you, properly talk. I nodded in reply, knowing there wasn't really any chance for me to say no. We left the bathroom and walked down the hall, into Hongjoong's studio. He closed the door behind us and we went to the couch, sitting down. Hongjoong immediately wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close to his side, allowing me to cuddle into it. We were just sitting there for a while, not talking but it still bought me a lot of comfort. Hongjoong isn't usually one for skinship, so the fact that he's doing this for me, means a lot. I felt comfortable with him, and it made me feel a little bit better.

"I'm not good enough," I said quietly. Hongjoong immediately looked over at me, his eyes wide. I knew he wanted to say something, but he stayed quiet, allowing me to continue.

"I, I can't remember the dances. It's taking so long to remember the choreo. For me anyway. Everyone else is learning it so quickly," I said sadly. Hongjoong let out a sigh and tightened his grip around my waist.