"I always thought that the first time I'd be on my knees I'd be praying..." I held my breath lowering myself to my knees in front of him,
"Then worship," he smirked, "what do you desire?"
Being loved by the king of Socrates Academy is haunting, espe...
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"By you I am forever undone" - The queen of nothing by Holly Black
Play Marjorie by Taylor swift for this chapter
Sometimes when I find myself wondering weather or not someone else is worth forgiving, I look in the mirror. I think to myself, on all of the occasions that I have done wrong by others and they turned the other cheek, was I worth forgiving then? Am I worth forgiving now?
I would love to sit here and tell you all the story of how I was a victim of deception and little white lies, how I was the very picture of innocence but was tainted- but that would be incredibly false. Because just as much as I am the victim I am also the perpetrator.
Niklaus has been cruel to me. But I have been just as wicked to him.
I came to Prague under false pretenses and wormed my way into his friendships, his home, his life under the guise of innocence. I made it seem as though I had no idea what I was capable of, like if I ended up hurt that it was all on him. But I fear that I may have downplayed the extent of the injuries he sustained to his heart, therefore allow me to be honest for a moment.
I deliberately initiated a relationship with him under the idea that if I did so he would tell me more about his plans, I allowed him to give me his heart, and then I dropped it. I let his mother reveal the truth about his daughter, I let him tell me everything about her. I read through his personal thoughts, every naked truth. I let him attach himself to me knowing he would never truly hold on.
I know now that he has known the truth about my identity for a long time, I underestimated his intelligence, a grave mistake. I knew how smart Niklaus was and yet I chose to believe that in my case, he chose to remain ignorant. I know that he tasted the lies on my lips, yet devoured every inch of me anyways, choking down the pain of it all.
I should have known. I should have known that he knew, the way he looked at me with that this isn't forever feeling, that I wish I didn't care glare, I should have known.
But Niklaus...he hurt me too, he hurt me because he was hurting and didn't know what to do. He kept my letters and I wanted to condemn him, I wanted to declare him utterly unforgivable but I cannot. I was tortured for answers, and I wanted to blame him for it, but it was not of his doing therefore I cannot. He used our engagement party as an opportunity to get revenge and that was cruel.
