#TFW (That Feeling When) ⚊ Lee Heeseung [#2]

✗ thirty eight ✗

⚊ chapter thirty eight

Throughout the long walk, Ni-ki let me used his phone so we could light our way in front of us.

Turning my side to look at him in one point, I stared into his face. For some reason, the surroundings were kind of scary in this time of the night. It reminded me of the nightmare.

And yet, Ni-ki's eyes certainly held an illuminating warmth every time he looked back at me, so I feel calm within then.

I didn't think I'd ever mentioned it to him before how that same warmth were often there. It would probably be strange if I pointed it out to him.

"I'm sorry about this", I mumbled as I spoke out after the long silence between us, "But why are we really here? What do you want to talk about?"

He stiffened slightly as he then went to lean against the bark of the tree behind him. But he had unknowingly been frowning and I wanted to know why.

"You saw me being in a bad mood after we won the game, right?", he asked to which I nodded immediately, "So we decided to celebrate a bit, but my dad then ruined every merriment we could have that night"

I didn't need to respond, his sad eyes said it all that he just want to let it out.

"He was always like that.. ", he continued quietly, "I could never do anything fucking right. He was never around, but when he's there, all he does is tell me how I am so disappointing, that I am a bad influence to Sola and isn't it pathetic how I'm jealous of my older sister? He just completely ignore that she exists and I want it"

I stared at him as a flash of pain came into his eyes.

"Every time I went there to Japan and he was out, I always beg my mom to leave him. He made us all miserable, but she always stayed for the sake of being a whole family, can you believe that?", he laughed humorlessly as he spoke.

"Before I went here, I started noticing something shady about him. He'd gone on business trips my whole life, and he was never there for my siblings. And then.. then.."

Anger locked in his jaw as he thought about his father. I raised my small hand to caress his cheek and turned to see him looking down at me sadly.

We both knew what he was about to say.

"He didn't even fucking hide it from me. Fuck, sometimes I could even hear my mom cried about him. It was sick. I fucking hated him, I still do. But my mom kept coming back to him no matter how many lipstick stains she had to wash on his suits"

Silence wrapped around the two of us as we looked at each other - neither knowing what to say. I let him be relieved of it though as he holds onto my hand that was placed in the side of his face.

Another ten minutes and then he was ready to go, his expression new and it feels like as if he hadn't talked about something serious.

Picking up his phone from me, he saw that it was almost 1:30 am and we shared a look.

"Do you want to go back now to the tent city?", I asked, hoping he was fine now.

He smiled when he shook his head before typing on his phone, "Wait a second, we have an incoming message from your brother", he said quickly as a notification ping up, "Here"

oosun:
do you want to join us in a disney movie marathon at jungwon's? we'll pick you up!

Despite looking like the usual Ni-ki, he didn't look right. There was a vulnerability there behind his growing smile.

For some reason, disappointing Ni-ki was the last thing I wanted to do. At least today, "Okay, I'll just pick up my things from our tent"

For a second, he just looked at me, his face an epitome of disbelief, "I - alright, well. But will Heeseung hyung not be angry with you?"