#TFW (That Feeling When) ⚊ Lee Heeseung [#2]

✗ fifty ✗

⚊ chapter fifty

Two months has passed since the night everything shattered inside me.

The school is so small, so I run into Heeseung every day. I can only hold eye contact with him for a few seconds before what he did to me threatens to crush me, so I eventually avoids his gaze and continue in my way every time.

Pain haunted me in every steps, following me like a ghost and never letting me be free. Even when I laugh or smile, there is always sadness. I can't escape it.

Like what we feared about before this whole mess started, Heeseung doesn't spend much time around in the house anymore. He spends time mostly in Jay's house from what I heard and his friendship with my brother had taken the fall as well.

They barely talk anymore and I think it's all my fault.

Sometimes I catch myself wanting to call him, to see if he still feels the same but I can't. Didn't I say before I didn't deserve a guy who was never sure about me?

There is something missing in my life that no one can fill, but him and yet I have come to accept that there are things that will never be.

I still love him, perbaps I always will.

The one light in the past two months of utter brokenness has been completely unexpected. It is Nishimura Riki himself.

Of all the drama that happens between me and his friend, I never imagined that even until the end, I would still be depending on him. I told him to stay away, to move on from me, but he didn't listen to any of it and had become that person.

The person who has listened to me and comforted me and supported me through all of my pain.

He calls today when I'm studying in my room after school, trying to immerse myself in my school works to drown out my thoughts.

"Hey Shorty, it's me"

I chuckle at his familiar greeting, "Hey Riki"

"How's life today? Any better?", he asked playfully.

"Nope. Still freaking pretty terrible"

"Good to know you're still alive then", he answers sarcastically.

I laught shortly, "I'm trying. I went to my sister's first music show and mind you, I nearly pass out from seeing the BTS. The one we've been talking about for a month now"

"That sounds super fun that I'm jealous"

"Oh it is", I hesitate for a moment,
"Ni-ki, I couldn't have.. I couldn't have gone through these last two months without you. Thank you"

He laughs lightly, "Trust me, it's no problem. Plus, I owe you from being a good friend in all the breakdown I had from my dad"

"You know I wasn't sure how you stick to someone like me", I say, shifting to the easier subjects.

"I don't blame you. You're a very bad girl for me"

"You've claimed that before but this time it really seems like you're willing to be a martyr just to have me. I mean, you told me you'll be waiting for me, right?"

"Don't kid yourself", he answers, assuming his easy charm, "I've always been lovable. You'll learn to see me too. Not now but eventually"

I chuckled quite awkwardly, "I can't promise you anything, Ni-ki"

"So have you seen a lot of him lately?", Ni-ki asks, redirecting the topic to my heart still suffering.

I sigh, "It's too small of a school to avoid him. He steers clear of me too though. Why are you even asking?", my voice catches, "And how can someone be there for you one minute to risk his life and then gone just the next?"