#TFW (That Feeling When) ⚊ Lee Heeseung [#2]

✗ forty nine ✗

⚊ chapter forty nine

When a heart break sounds what does it make?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

There is only silence because when a heart breaks, the person becomes the definition of emptiness. Even when their world crumbles and falls apart, there is only silent.

I was able to say this, to feel the heaviness of this quote because I really thought I knew him. I thought that was the one thing he wanted me to say.

I got it all wrong and I was left being the empty girl Ni-ki had warned me about by the end of the night.

Everything is falling apart. Things were going too fast like a blow of the thunder in my worst memory of the past.

When we finally reached my house, with Sunoo and Kiara getting out together, leaving Heeseung and I alone in the borrowed car, he turns off the engine. I don't know what to say or do, but I remember that I can't leave him, not in pain like that in his eyes.

He hadn't said the words back of what I said in the bar's parking lot and I thought it was because he's just too frazzled about the fist fight.

But then his dad called and Heeseung had never been the same on the way home.

He sighs in frustration, "This isn't how I wanted for your night to go"

I watch him curiously, but he doesn't meet my eyes, "Wha do you mean?"

"I thought.. I wanted for it to be memorable.. for us with our friends but after that, I can't.. I can't do this", he finally says and he turns to look at me.

His eyes are glowing orbs of raw agony, and I struggle to respond before I ask the question he should've never answered for it was the one that break me.

"What are you talking about, Hee?"

"This", he gestures between the two of us, "You and me. I can't do this. She's right about me all along"

My heart hammers in my chest. The few months we were getting closer and loving each other in my perspective are culminating in this moment, and we are already over before we even begin something real.

He doesn't want us. He doesn't want me. He never said the eight letters back in the first time I said it to him.

"Heeseung, you can't say that.. We can do -"

"No, Sunny, you don't get it", he slams his hand on the steering wheel, "I can't be what you need. I'm screwed up. Did you see what I did there? You don't deserve someone like me"

Anger and pain surge through me in unison as tears race down my face, "Hee, that's not true, you know that. You are.. you are everything.. to me"

The fury has dissipated from Heeseung's eyes, replaced by anguish, "I care about you.. so.. so much. But I can't be the person you need. I would only hurt you like the way I did with Yumi"

"Hee, the past is in the past. This is not about you and her", I plead with him.

He runs a hand through his hair, leaning his head back against the headrest. My entire body yearns to get closer, but he is putting a distance between us that has never been there before.

All I want is to crawl into his arms, to hold him and let him hug me, but I can't.

"Sunny, I'll only hurt you and I can't.. I can't be that reason. I couldn't live with myself if one day I was the one to raise hand on you. I want you to be happy, but it's not with me"

I open my mouth to speak, but no words came out. Doesn't he know? Doesn't he realize that he's a big part of me now, that my happiness is not there without him?