"For the ocean is endless, just like my love for you. Endlesslys yours."
- Anten Rodgen
"The ocean is forever there, it will be there for every death and every life. Thats why I love it. It will never leave you. Only you can leave it."
-Briella Pa...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
"Merry Christmas Anten"
Do you ever wish you could just leave the earth and never come back? Thats me right now. Looking through all these photos, when life was better. When I felt like living.
I miss christmas with my parents, the ones when we would stay up until 3 am watching christmas movies, and eating the cookies that weren't going to Santa. I miss making christmas wish list, and sending them to the North Pole. I miss Rain the elf we had. I miss remembering the smell of the tree on Christmas morning, and the look on my parents faces when I gave them gifts from their closet, because I was 8 and had no money. I miss when I was happy on Christmas. Instead I am sitting on the floor looking at a photo album from 2014 that has pictures of a perfect family. A family that doesn't exsist anymore.
With exams and classes 24/7 I didn't even have time to decorate, but it's to late now anyways. It's Christmas Eve, and once again I am alone. Alone. What a funny word. Some people like to be alone, but no one really wants to be alone, they just need some time alone, they don't actually want to be alone, with no one there for them. I hate being alone, but I can't help that I always end up alone. Alone. Alone. Always alone. Even on Christmas. I have had one tough semester, but nothing has changed, I still have no one.
I suppose Anten counts as my friend, but he's been really busy these past couple of weeks. He decided to get a job at the library, because all of a sudden he sort of liked the cat library. Don't get me wrong he still hates cats, but he likes Orange (who's name we found out was that because he loves anything the color orange), the first cat he had pet in years. It's honestly really funny, because when I went to visit him at work he was taking someones order and Orange the cat was laying on the counter right next to him. So with all of that going on, and my job included, we haven't had time to actually hang out. I mean we text sometimes, but once winter break started Anten told me that he was going to visit his mom for the holidays. Because she was going to be alone. Like me.
He said he would text me when he gets back, but I don't expect him to be back anytime soon. We had hung out a lot more this past semester, but it just made me realize that the only person I really had was Anten, and he didn't have just me. So here I am looking at old photos of a life I never really had. I close the book and get up from my place on the cold floor.
My mother is somewhere around the city enjoying what crapy life she has left. I sit down on the couch and look out the window. The ocean is as gourgous as ever, and since it's Florida the snow is nonexistant here. I have always wanted to go sledding or make snow angles like in the movies, It seems like so much fun. I'm looking for the remote to put on some cute christmas movie when I reccive a text. I quickly grab my phone hoping it's Anten. I smile when I see it is.
Anten: Hey, Merry Christmas! What are your plans for the holiday?
I look at my phone confused, then at the clock, only to realize that Anten's right, it's 12am on Christmas day. I look around the dark and empty house. Alone.
