The Waves of You

Drawings are words

"I'm going to fight, like I never have before."

This is the second time today that I've had a nosebleed. I don't understand what's going on, I never get nosebleeds, well that is until this week of course. I've been trying to hide them from Anten, because I don't want him to get any more stressed than he already is. Of course the nose bleeds are only the beginning. I also have been having other symptoms, like I have been getting these random bruises even when I haven't done anything. I've been feeling dizzy, but I just blame that on my loss of appetite. Surprisingly enough I don't think Anten has noticed anything wrong about me. I quickly throw away the blooded napkin and hide the evidence. Getting out of the bathroom, I go upstairs and open up my laptop. I should probably make a doctor's appointment, but I should check google. No need to go to the doctors if it's something that over the counter medicine can take care of. Googling my symptoms I see that google has pulled up all these different diseases, ones that most definitely were not true. I should probably go to the doctor.

I'm sitting at my desk wondering what I should draw next. I enjoy animating, but I also like being able to draw for myself, but I haven't been able to do that recently, mostly because nothing has come to my mind. I sit there frustrated with myself. I used to be amazing at creating these vivid images of the most amazing places. Like the one of Bri and I dancing under the stars. Or the one of us on the beach, sitting up top Bri's favorite blanket, or the most important painting I've ever drawn. All these different memories of us, but I can't seem to find one to draw. I've already done the night I proposed to the love of my life. I could redraw it? But I feel like it wouldn't be as special. I sign back in my chair. This is going to be a rough one.

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"How are things going so far?" Ronny, Bri's best friend, says as she comes inside our apartment. She makes herself comfortable by sitting on the couch and turning on The Office. The girls have been binge watching it for the past couple of days. Bri's been tired a lot recently so they haven't made much progress. "It's been fine. Have you seen Bri lately?" I feel like I haven't seen her all day. I had already searched the house for her, but she wasn't there. I texted her and called her multiple times, but to no avail. I just figured she was out shopping or something, but it's 9pm and she should have been back by now. Ronny looks over at me confused. "What are you talking about, I thought she'd been here the whole time." My heart rate picks up. Briella didn't tell me she was going anywhere. So where could she be? "What are you talking about? I haven't seen her all day. I thought she might have been with you." I panic. Ronny begins to panic as well. "Ummm do you know anyone else who might know where she is?" I think around for a moment. Not that I know of, and not at this hour." I say, thinking of her dad, but then realizing that she would never be out this late. I'm begin to freak out.

What do I do?

What do I do?

I'm at the doctors and I have just heard the most heartbreaking news a girl could ever hear. You have cancer. I have cancer. "Are you okay Mrs.Park? Would you like me to leave the room, so you could think to yourself how you want to proceed?" Dr.Quinn asked. I nod my head, unsure of what else to do at this moment. My brain isn't working, and I feel parlyzed. What am I going to do? I have cancer. People die from this. Some never recover even if they beat it. I feel my face. Tears. Always with the tears. Why can't I just be stronger? Maybe if I was I wouldn't have to go through life like a weakling. Life was going so well for me. I suppose I should have known this wasn't going to last forever. It can't last forever. I wish it did though. I wish life could go back to how it was before. But before wasn't so great for me either. I don't know what I am going to do, but most importantly, how I'm going to tell Anten.

"Hey I'm home." I hear Briella say as she enters through the door. I get up from the couch and go to hug her. "Hey where have you been?" I ask. I have been pacing the floor for 30 minutes. "The doctors." She answers which makes me freeze. I pull back from our hug. "The doctors? What for?" She lifts her head and that's when I notice she's been crying. She gives me a sad smile. "Can you just hug me for a little longer, then I will explain." I do as she says. I hold her even tighter than before.

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"So you're gonna tell me why you went to the doctors?" I asked once we were both seated on the couch. Bri signs and leans back, looking up at the ceiling. "You know how I haven't been feeling well for a while?" I nod my head, but then realize she can't exactly see me. "Yeah. Oh so you went to the doctor for that, well what did they say?" My heart rate picks up. Please don't be anything bad. Please. That's all I wish for, but then there's that feeling in my gut that says that that's not gonna be the case. She looks over at me, more tears spilling across her beautiful face. Then she told me something that I thought I would never hear in my lifetime. It was so quiet I could barely hear her next words as my heart shattered. Completely and utterly broken. "I have cancer Anten, and I don't know what I'm going to do." Briella is crying full blown now. Cancer. I read about it when I was younger, but I never thought the only person in this god forsaken world would be the one to receive it. The only person I love with my whole heart. My person. Has cancer. I look over at her and place my hand on hers. "There is no you in this situation. Only we. We do this together, and we get through this together. I promise everything will be okay." I promise. Bri just stares at me. "Don't make promises you can't keep Anten. Please don't do that to me, because I will believe it, and I don't need false hope." I am staring at her. My person, that is not my person. My person fights. "Where is my Briella? The one I married. The one that agreed to always fight. The one that is scared of nothing. Where is she?" I ask. "She got scared. Cause no one in this world is fearless, and I should have known that sooner. I am never going to be like Moana, cause she saved the world, and I can't even save myself." I hate the way Bri talks about herself. Like she's weak, cause I know for a fact she is the strongest person I know. Maybe she should be a Disney Princess. "Stop talking like that. You are so strong Bri. After everything you've been through, it's too late to give up now. We will do this together. Every step of the way, I'll be there. That's a promise I can make." Bri wipes her tears and lays down on my lap. "Okay. I promise I am going to fight, like I never have before." She promised me. "That's a promise I can make." She says. I stroke her hair and allow her to drift to sleep. We will get out of this together. She will make it. She has to.

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Thank you for reading.

-Sydney (A simple story goes along way)