The Waves of You

Broken

"I love her"

I love her. That's what I thought when I saw her there, going into the ocean. That's what I thought. I love her. I knew I loved her before then, but I didn't love her the way I was thinking on that beach. I didn't know what was going on, or what I was doing when I ran out there, all I knew was I was not gonna let her go that easily. I'm sitting on her couch. Briella's upstairs asleep. I don't know what I'm going to do. I promised myself I would never fall in love, not after Allie. I can't control my feelings. I looked around for a quick moment before I decided what I was gonna do. I need to get out of here.

"I may not be okay right now, but I promise I will try to be okay again."

I am sitting here thinking. Flashes of the ocean flicker in my mind.

The waves were splashing over me, I couldn't breath. I can't breathe. My vision begins to blur. Everything begins to go black. I hear someone. I hear him. Anten. I try to keep my eyes open for a little bit longer. He's screaming for me. He's here for me. He deserves better. He doesn't deserve to be with me, I am broken. I hear splashing in the water and my vision goes dark, and I'm sucked into this endless abyss of darkness. Nothing, but myself. That's how it should be. A cage where I can never hurt anyone again. Where no one can ever reach me again. Where no one can tell me I'm worthless, but myself. No more pain. No more suffering. No more me.

I shake my head. I'm alive. I'm okay. Everything;s okay. I have Anten still, and he has me. I'm okay. I get up from the couch and grab my baby pink blanket, to head down to the beach. I place down the blanket and sit down. Normally I would have a book with me, but today I feel like reading my thoughts. I look around to see no one here. I wouldn't expect anyone to be here. It is the middle of winter. Signing, I lean back and watch the clouds. Cloud watching has been something that I actually quite enjoy. Being creative and sculpting images from blobs of white fluff sounds very calming when you put it into words. My thoughts drift back to Anten. I don't really know what we are. I would say we're best friends, but also I feel like maybe we could be more. He has done so much for me these past weeks. He was there for me even when my best friend couldn't. I haven't gotten in touch with Ronny since she ditched me. She has sent me messages apologizing for what she did, and saying that she messed up. I haven't had the motivation to answer her though. I look down at my phone to see it's 6 in the afternoon. I grab my blanket and head back up to the house. I haven't really decided what I'm gonna do with my mothers things. I never really thought about any of this, I never really thought I had too. I was talking with Anten and he mentioned something about me selling the house and using the money for an apartment. I thought that would be a better alternative than using all my life savings for rent this month. My mom's funeral however is a different story. So far only Anten and I know about my mom's death, and my professors, but I learned that's because Anten had emailed them, oh and Antens roommates know about it too. They even came over and helped me clean and kept me company. They come over every once in a while. Heading up the stairs and into the house, I hear my phone ring. I look at the ID to see it's Acelen. He gave me his number in case there was anything I needed. "Hello?" I ask. "Hey Briella, I was wondering if Anten was with you? He hasn't been to any of his classes these pasy few days." Acelen informs me. Anten not going to his classes? That makes no sense. "I'm sorry, but he's not here." I could tell Acelen was disappointed. Then it hit me. "I think I might know exactly where he is." I quickly hung up the phone and run upstairs to pack my bag and get out of these pajamas. As I'm heading downstairs I hear the doorbell ring. That might just be Acelen, who I hung up on a little too quickly. I open the door, but dtop in my tracks. It's not Acelen's face I'm looking at, but Rona's. I looked at her like she had just come back from the dead, in a bad way. "Umm what are you doing here?" I question her motives. There are only a certain amount of things that would bring her here. "Look Bri, you're my best friend, you know I would never do anything to purposefully put you in a position like that. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Is your mom back yet?" She whispered the last part. I look down at my shoes. "She's dead." I whisper. Tears fell down my face once again at the mention of my mother. "Oh Bri..." Rona says as she tries to give me a hug. I backed away. "Please Bri, please forgive me." Rona begs. Tears well up in her eyes. Good, maybe she'll learn what it felt like to be in my place. I stop. No this isn't me. Come on Bri you're better than that. I signed. I moved out of the way and made room for Rona to come through the door. She smiled slightly as she walked inside. She looked around for a minute until her eyes landed back on me. "I need your help." I say. Rona goes into alert mode. "Anything." She urges. "I need your help to go to South Carolina. After that, I'll forgive you." I say, and Ronny instantly agrees. "Let's hit the road then."

| <3 |

5 hours later we were at the same small, cozy cabin, in South Carolina. As Ronny and I get out of the car I see someone standing on the porch, his back facing away from us. Ronny, sensing somethings going on, decides it would be best if I were to be the one going up there on my own. I nod my head in gratitude before heading up the stairs. As soon as I stop up the last stair, Anten turns around and looks at me in shock. "What are you doing here Bri?" He questions as I walk up next to him. "I heard you were missing your classes for the past couple of days, and figured you'd be here. I wanted to make sure you were also okay." I said. Anten looks around me to where Ronny's car is parked. His eyebrows raise in question. I shrug. "She gave me a ride." I say and that's enough of an answer for him. Anten moves from his place on the porch and into the cabin. "Bri. I came up here to think and to be alone." He says. That makes me feel like I've intruded once again, where I'm not wanted. I backed away from him. "Okay, if that's what you want, then I'll leave-" I begin, but get cut off. "No, I don't mean it that way. I mean I came up here to be alone, only to want you here with me more. I have been fighting my feelings for you, because I'm scared you're going to leave me, or you're going to break my heart, but I've learned that I wouldn't want my heart to get broken by anyone else." He takes a deep breath. "What I'm really trying to say is, I love you Bri. So much." It feels like my breath has been snatched away from me. I am utterly shocked. "I-I" I shake my head and smile. Tears well up in my eyes, but instead there are happy ones. "I love you, Anten, and I may not be okay right now, but I promise I will try to be okay again." I say. For the first time in a long time,  I feel happy. I don't wait for Anten to make the first move. I go straight towards him and kiss him.

I kiss him like there's no tomorrow.

| <3 |

Thank you for reading.

-Sydney (A simple story goes a long way)