Beyond This Fucked Up World [choi yeonjun]

Chapter Nine - The Boy With Depression

I walked carefully to Beomgyu's bed, trying not to step on any broken items. When I got to him, I sat down next to him and placed the first aid kit between us. Beomgyu was still looking down at his guitar, trying to find the right note for the melody he was composing. I waited a bit, but quickly noticed that he made no move to turn away from his guitar.

I cleared my throat loudly, not daring to give him instructions and hoping that I could be heard at all over the loud music. Without looking me in the eye, Beomgyu put his guitar aside and only then looked at my face.

I still stared at him, waiting and then slightly raised my hand in which I held the wet rag. He said nothing and just leaned forward a little with his upper body so that I could reach his face better. I brought the rag to his face and started wiping the half-dried bloodstains.

"Ow, that hurts." He hissed, recoiling.

"Either let me do it now or not." I hissed back, my hand with the rag still in the air. He looked at me a little more sullenly, but then leaned towards me again. I turned back to my activity and took my right hand for additional support and placed it on Beomgyu's chin.

"Do you fancy me?"

"What!?" I asked him loudly, perplexed.

"This closeness is very suspicious. I'm just saying."

"Beomgyu, to clean your wounds I need to get to them." I explained to him.

"What are you, 12?" I whispered quietly after him.

"I guess I better not, you probably only have eyes for Yeonjun." I abruptly dropped my hands in my lap and looked away, annoyed.

"What do you want from me anyway, Beomgyu?"

"Your number." I choked slightly. This boy.

"I was joking."

"I know."

"Then why are you looking like that?" I exhaled loudly.

Beomgyu opened the red box while I considered whether I should just leave again, and took out a pack of plasters. They were children's plasters with different designs on them. One by one, Beomgyu took plasters out of the box and stuck them randomly on his hands to treat his wounds. His hands looked a mess afterwards but he didn't seem to mind. He held the package of plasters out to me and looked at me with wide eyes expectantly.

"I can't find the abrasions on my face." He reasoned, still waiting for me to accept the package. I sighed and reached for the package.

I took out a blue plaster (with dinosaur motifs) and carefully stuck it on his left cheek. In my line of sight, I caught another picture, which was on the windowsill behind Beomgyu's bed. Beomgyu was putting Sunoo in a headlock and was laughing happily into the camera. Sunoo, on the other hand, looked at the floor and tried to pull away from Beomgyu, but had a smile on his face as well.

"Did you two get along well?"

Beomgyu followed my gaze and looked at the picture. He turned his head around again and hesitantly put all the things back into the red box. I watched him meanwhile.

"Kinda." He then said.

"I mean he got along best with Yeonjun but we all know that." Beomgyu spoke, breathing in loudly and leaning back a little.

"Why is that?"

"They had the same views and dreams or something. Anyway, they had similar reasons for leaving here."

"What were their reasons?" Beomgyu pondered how best to phrase it.

"Well, Yeonjun had no real reason to leave here. He said as long as he's with us, he'll come anywhere with us." He pouted a little.

"And if he gets away from his parents that's good too, he said." While Beomgyu was telling me all this, he was playing around with the handle of the red box.

"If you all wanted to run away for a reason, what was yours?" Beomgyu raised his head, beaming.

"I want to be a guitarist! And write songs! Maybe one day I'll play in a band or write songs for one." He told me happily.

I looked at him with mixed feelings. On the one hand, I was happy that he knows exactly what he wants to do (which I can't say about myself), but on the other hand, I felt sorry that he couldn't fulfill his dream yet. They all wanted to fulfill their dreams together but that didn't happen for whatever reason.

"And what about Sun-" A door slamming open interrupted me.

"Turn that damn music down!" A man hissed, who must have been Beomgyu's father. But Beomgyu ignored him and continued to fiddle with the handle of the box.

"And who is that girl there? Are you even listening to me?" I looked back and forth, startled, not knowing what to do. When Beomgyu still didn't move and remained silent, Beomgyu's father walked over to his stereo and jerked the plug out. The whole room filled with silence and Beomgyu looked angrily at his father.

"Didn't I tell you clearly this morning to turn down your deafening music? And how do you look anyway? I didn't raise you like this!"

"You don't give a shit anyway." Beomgyu whispered to himself.

"What did you say?" His father hissed, taking large and quick steps towards Beomgyu and tugging him up by the arm. He grabbed him by the collar and scolded him.

"If you talk to me like that again, I'll throw all your crap away, friend. Maybe then you'll think about doing a real job and not your pathetic music career!" He hissed, shaking Beomgyu like crazy. He, however, looked at him annoyed and unconcerned and let his father do what he wanted with him. His father let him go at that and then suddenly pointed at me.

"And the girl will leave right now!" He ordered and turned to walk out of the room.

"No she won't." Beomgyu objected without looking at his father. Beomgyu's father slowly turned back around and looked even angrier than before which scared me a little.

"There will be consequences, friend." He admonished Beomgyu and walked towards the door. Just like me just now, he stepped on broken items only the difference was that he did it on purpose.

"And clean up your damn room, Beomgyu!" When his father was gone, Beomgyu was still standing in front of me, clenching his plastered hands into fists. My pulse was just starting to calm down again which is why it was quiet for a few minutes and no one said anything.

"Maybe I'd better go." I breathed softly up to Beomgyu, who was still standing there.

"No, it's alright. He has nothing against you."

"I know that." I declared. He sat down next to me again, but was still looking in the same direction his father was standing just now.

"I just meant so it wouldn't get worse if I stayed."

"Whether you leave now or later, it won't change the situation." He raised his left hand to his face and wiped something away. Silence fell again and I considered what to do while Beomgyu covered his face with his right hand.

"Do the others know about your father?" I asked him, still hesitating a little because I didn't quite know if I should ask that. He just nodded in reply.

"Well, and Sunoo... and you too now." He added. I exhaled heavily.

"Sunoo... Must have been there for you a lot when you needed someone like him, right?" I asked slowly and quietly.

I heard a soft sob coming from Beomgyu's direction. Then I noticed that it was Beomgyu who was crying. Beomgyu turned his head towards me and looked at me with tear-filled eyes.

The pain in his gaze slowly spread throughout the room and it felt like I was being pulled into the pain. When Beomgyu cried, he looked like he was almost smiling, which is quite ironic when you think about it.

I had the urge to wipe away his tears but I thought that would be inappropriate, especially since we had only known each other for a few hours. So I just sat there and watched Beomgyu continue to cry, feeling more uncomfortable with each sob.

I felt the need to be there for Beomgyu now that Sunoo was gone, but I knew very well that I couldn't.