Beyond This Fucked Up World [choi yeonjun]

Chapter Seventeen - A Cactus Removes The Dreariness

I looked at Yeonjun's face and remembered every little detail in case I didn't see him again for two days, pausing at the small birthmark below his right eye. Then my gaze wandered down to the cactus he was holding.

"What's the cactus for?"

"That's the first thing you say? Not even a hello?"

"Hello." Was all I said, still standing motionless in front of the door. Meanwhile, my right hand was propped up against the door frame and my other hand held the door wide open.

Yeonjun looked down at his cactus, bit his lower lip and then looked back up at me. He held out the cactus to me and said "Here. For you."

My gaze lingered on the little cactus and I racked my brain as to what he was implying. Then, after a short while, I remembered something that might have to do with this cactus.

"So that your flat gets some life and doesn't look so dull anymore." He grinned and it struck me how much I had missed that smile.

I loosened my stance and dropped my hands weakly beside my hips. My hand gingerly reached for the cactus and I then took it in both hands to examine it silently. It was small, green and in a white flower pot, fitting for such a size.

"I told you that all plants die in my house." I mentioned quietly.

"And that's why it's a cactus. I would like to see how you let this one die." He said, resting his right hand on his hip and waving his left hand wildly like a car barrier as he teased me about it, feeling really proud of his top idea.

I, however, continued to eye the cactus, not knowing if he was giving it to me out of pity or simply because he wanted to.

"You don't like it." He remarked sadly, dropping his hand from his hip in disappointment.

"Yes I do, I like it a lot!" I spoke a little too fast and quickly looked up at him and smiled a little too exaggeratedly.

"Thank you." I thanked him sincerely and Yeonjun was smiling a bit too overdrawn now as well, but meant it.

I turned around a little haltingly and searched the living room for a suitable place for the cactus. By chance, I had just made some space on my shelf and placed the small, green cactus directly where Sunoo's pictures had been before.

Meanwhile, Yeonjun came quietly through the front door and watched me rearrange my now no longer drab living room.

"The place looks much livelier already!" I cheered happily, turning to Yeonjun with a broad smile and presenting my shelf to him, pointing at it theatrically with my hands.

He looked at it with a slightly furrowed brow and inconspicuously scanned the shelf with his gaze. When he noticed that the pictures were no longer there, he chuckled once briefly and a small smile formed on his face.

"Definitely very much alive. I can already feel how much cozier it is here now." He spoke sarcastically and I had to laugh at his joke. But not because the joke was funny, but because Yeonjun didn't seem to be angry with me anymore and I felt an exciting tingling sensation because of it.

My eyes briefly brushed past Yeonjun and saw the door still wide open.

"Can't you close doors?" I asked, amused, and went to the door to close it. Yeonjun followed me with his gaze and turned away from my shelf.

"Actually, I thought we were going to my place."

My body stopped abruptly and my eyes unreal pierced the wall in front of me. My hand stiffened on the doorknob and my head had to comprehend what Yeonjun had just said.

"First you keep a distance from anyone for two days and now you want me to just come to your house just like that?" I summed up the situation, weighing up the possible scenarios that could all happen at his house.

Yeonjun said nothing to this and remained silent. Inside me, this question was bothering me, because I didn't have to listen to negative trains of thought for days just to have the whole thing forgotten all at once. But the relief that just spread through me was stronger than my morals.

I turned away from the wall and looked him straight in the eyes, which were filled with guilt.

"I'm sorry I just left like that. I was just a little-" He tilted his head slightly towards the shelf, "messed up."

He looked back over at me with wide, sincere eyes.

"I know that. But you can't expect everything to go back to the way it was after something like this."

He scratched the back of his head regretfully and looked sulkily at my shoes, his eyes slightly narrowed as if he was considering. My gaze wandered back to the wall beside the flat door and I gathered my thoughts until I turned back to Yeonjun and regarded him carefully.

He was wearing a white, slightly grayish shirt and underneath a black and white striped long-sleeved top with gray shorts that were full of torn holes. Another detail I spotted were a couple of rings on his fingers and I was starting to get hot at the sight. I slid my hand back and forth on the door handle and felt how wet it had become as my hand was so sweaty. I let go of the door handle and faced Yeonjun.

"So does that mean you don't want to come with me?"

"Yes I do want to!" I shouted, again a little too fast and too loudly. I quickly grabbed the door handle again to steady myself and looked past Yeonjun sheepishly, trying to keep my expression in check.

Yeonjun's expression, however, lit up the whole room and pushed away the pent-up negativity with just a sincere smile. He reached out to take my hand but I quickly jerked away, afraid that he might touch my sweaty hand. He looked at me a little perplexed.

"You- make me sweat." I explained stuttering, clearing my throat and walking quickly through the door and out my apartment. I squinted my eyes awkwardly, wondering why I was always so painfully honest around him.

I could feel his grin against my back and didn't even dare turn around one more time, just hoping he didn't have a performance issue closing the door after all.