Beyond This Fucked Up World [choi yeonjun]

Chapter Twenty Nine - The Truth Is A Lie

The evening went on and outside it got darker and darker by every passing minute. We continued to play truth or dare, but Soobin still didn't come back after he confronted me in the hallway. I guess everyone was too drunk to notice his absence, but I remember when Kai left the living room for a few minutes and later came back with a face that showed concern hiding behind a mild smile.

The others must have seen that expression on him at least once, because I think everyone knew after that to not ask about where Soobin was and if he was okay. Because it was clear that he was not and that he wanted to be alone.

At this moment I realized how bad it actually got. Under the influence of the five cans of beer I had, I felt the immense pain in my chest that wandered through my body and destroyed every inch of it.

I liked Soobin. More than I first admitted and only now I felt the aftermath of my decision. I missed him. I wanted him to come back, wherever he was now. Perhaps he was still in the backyard, all alone by himself. I didn't know how much damage I did to him, but his absence was enough to tell me that I hurt him more than I wanted. I hated myself for it.

"Next is Taehyun!"

"Truth."

"You have picked truth three times in a row now!" Beomgyu stated with an annoyed tone.

"Guess why. You really want me to have two hands in a cast, don't you?" Taehyun argued and stayed with his decision.

"Okay, okay. Hmm..." Beomgyu thought about a question he could ask the smaller one, who was still at his second beer.

"What's the craziest stunt you did with your skateboard?" Beomgyu asked and scooted closer to the edge of the couch.

He had stopped holding Kai's hand at the near end of round two. At some point he must have noticed his hand intertwined with Kai's, but I noticed how he kept holding it until it was his turn and he picked dare, like always.

"Craziest stunt, huh." Taehyun pondered for a while.

It was quiet when he thought of a stunt that was craziest to his belief. And you could see it on his face, when Taehyun remembered a stunt with his skateboard, crazy enough to pick it as his answer, sad enough to dampen his mood a little.

"I was in the skatepark. And Sunoo was there too. We thought about some crazy skate tricks to make it a little funnier and he had the idea of driving towards each other and then kicking the boards up and landing on the board of the other. It was totally stupid and we obviously didn't manage to succed the stunt. Left us with abrasions all over our hands and arms." Taehyun told us with a big smile on his face.

It was weird to listen to him talk about Sunoo. He never wanted to talk about him, let alone wanted to say his name. And now he was sitting across the table, talking about his seemingly favorite moment with him, whilst smiling all over his face and having sparkling eyes.

And I hated it. I hated that Sunoo was the one thing that made him smile so bright, brighter than I have ever seen. The one person that wasn't there anymore, that left Taehyun alone, that left them all behind, including myself.

I never felt anger or rage when thinking about him, but now my head and my chest was full of all that. I witnessed Taehyun's gaze switching from a happy, uplifting expression to a sad and distant look. He felt alone and left behind by the person he deeply wished to be here now. But I didn't want that.

All I ever heard was Sunoo, Sunoo, Sunoo. Every topic had the feeling that it was about Sunoo, that it was because of Sunoo, that it wouldn't be there if Sunoo never left. Everything would be different if he never left.