Beyond This Fucked Up World [choi yeonjun]

Chapter Thirty Six - I'm A Lover

Yeonjun wasn't crying. And according to what I saw, he wouldn't do it any time. But as for the tears, which usually made you feel quite uncomfortable because you didn't know what to do about them, they were replaced by Yeonjun's facial expression, which had quite the same effect.

I didn't know what to do, let alone what to think. When we stood in the swimming pool full of water, looking at each other and holding each other's hand, was also the time he had wished Sunoo would stand in front of him instead of me.

It pained me to think about it. My heart shrank and weakened, leaving behind a pungent feeling that spread through my body and left me disordered. I avoided Yeonjun's gaze and stared down the ceiling, afraid to even move a muscle.

Nervously, I scratched the skin off my thumb, not caring about the biting pain in my fingers. Why was I here? Why did he tell me that? Should I feel bad? Did he only tell me that so that I would know how it feels to hear that the other person also likes another person? Because if so, then yes. It hurt. It hurt really bad.

I felt something moving beside me. Yeonjun readjusted his lying position and turned his whole body to the side towards me. I could already feel his face being closer to mine now than before.

"Evolet." No. I don't want to turn around. I wanna keep staring down that tone deaf white ceiling until I would either pierce a whole through it or through my fingers.

"Evolet." His voice was only a breath and his left hand placed itself on top of my hands that laid on my tummy. I stopped scraping my fingers almost immediately, letting out the air that was stuck in my lungs.

He rubbed his thumb over the place on my thumb that I scratched so uncontrollably. I glimpsed over at him, I couldn't help myself, and saw a puppy-like expression on his face. He seemed apologetic or pitying.

"Does this mean you didn't like me at that time?" It shouldn't matter as he seemed to like me now, but it was still not a good feeling to know that he didn't always like me.

"I did like you at that time." He whispered, stroking over my fingers softly. And still he could calm me down, even though I was only so upset because of him.

Why wasn't I as strong as him? Why did I need to cry at that and he didn't even cry when talking about Sunoo. I hated how weak and embarrassing I was. I quickly wiped away the tears that threatened to run down my cheeks, placing my hand back to Yeonjun's, a mess of hands on top of my body.

"Everything I have said about you was true. I feel better when I'm around you. And I..." He paused for a little.

He was looking at me and I was looking at him. The space between us was not much and I could feel Yeonjun's hand moving past my hands and over to my waist to which he then pulled me a little closer towards him. I couldn't breathe anymore.

"And I feel things that I have never felt before when I think about you." He rubbed his hands over my waist. Gently, carefully, and still his grip around me was strong.

"When I touch you." He whispered. My heart was beating fast, but how could I stop it? For a strange reason I even wanted it to beat that fast. It was exciting, thrilling.

"I think with a bit more time, I couldn't live without you too."

"How much...more time?" I breathed and held my breath. I was on the verge of exploding, the tickle in my tummy wouldn't stop tickling.

He put on a pondering look, but I quickly noticed that he joked around with me. When he finished, he fixed his eyes back at me and started smiling. A good smile, a delighted smile. The kind of smile that let my blood bubble up in excitement, that would keep me giggling at night even thinking about it, that gave me the urge to kiss him right away. But I hid all those feelings, though a faded blush was still appearing on my cheeks.

"Ten seconds, I guess. Give me ten seconds." He spoke with his cutely curved smile.

And I did what he said, I gave him ten seconds. And he let the ten seconds go to waste, just looked at me with a smile that grew bigger with every passing second and a hand that couldn't wait to pull me even closer to himself.

And when these ten seconds passed, Yeonjun couldn't hold these words to himself anymore.

"I love you."

And it was surreal. Totally surreal. I kept thinking it was just a thought of mine, but these words replayed in my head so many times that at some point it actually caught on to me that Yeonjun really said that to me. I love you. Just like that.

Yeonjun waited for a reaction of mine. A change of expression, a sentence, three words. His hand couldn't wait, almost bouncy. And I was stupid. Stupid enough to say the most inappropriate thing you could give as an answer to that.

"Okay."

"Okay?! That's your answer?" He exclaimed and his gaze turned shocked. Hilariously shocked.

I got caught off guard and looked at him shocked as well. It's the first time someone had said the magical three words to me and I wasn't prepared for that. Though, I was. The ten seconds of staring at each other was enough preparation time and yet I just acknowledged his love confession. How stupid can one be?

Yeonjun pulled his arm out from under my head, letting me fall down on the mattress, and propped himself up so that he could look at me straight in the face.

"Say that again." I shook my head quickly.

"Well." He let out a brief chuckle and grinned away from me.

The look on his face let me doubt that he was actually upset at me. But he should? People are upset when someone only responds with a lame "okay".

He tilted his head to me again, his grin getting bigger. He looked into my eyes and then onto my lips. My heart was more than just exploding, it acted like fireworks. Firework over firework over firework. Red, green, blue, yellow, orange, pink and so on. I couldn't even count anymore.

Yeonjun wasn't upset. He even felt more happy than before. And I knew that. I knew that because another look on my lips was no longer necessary as he pressed his lips on mine and kissed me strongly.

His lips kissing my upper lip and my lips kissing his bottom lip. He tasted like strawberries, like cherries, like butterflies and fresh grass. He felt like the wind blowing through my hair and the sun shining on my skin. I thought of flowers and stars and fairy lights. I liked how he tasted, I liked how he felt, I liked how he was. I liked him.

And while Yeonjun kissed me more and more and more, I realized. I loved how he tasted. I loved how he felt. I loved how he was. I loved him.

"I love you." The words bounced off his lips, which were already almost pressed to mine again.

"I love you so much."

He grinned. And I knew that because he kissed me right after I finally said these words to him. Words that have been stuck up in my throat for far too long. Words that I wanted to shout the moment he kissed me the first time. The moment I saw him for the first time.

I love his every step, his every move. I love his every touch, his every kiss. I love his every word, his every giggle, his every smile. I love everything about him.

I love him. I love him. I love him.