Beyond This Fucked Up World [choi yeonjun]

Chapter Thirty - Sweet Dreams

Hours went by after I told them the truth. My head was buzzing from the drunkness slowly leaving my body, letting a weak self remain. I can still hear Taehyun's whimpering in my mind and the sight of Beomgyu's silent self sitting on the couch wouldn't leave me alone.

I pulled the blanket further up to my chin and tried closing my eyes. But I couldn't sleep. I opened them again almost automatically and stared at the wall across the room, seeing nothing but pitch black. A few minutes went by and in sight came a dull wall that should have been light blue but because of the darkness it only showed black and dark gray.

My eyes drifted to the large plant in the corner, having the same colors as the wall and the table and the floor. Without the light it all seemed depressed and unpleasant.

The silence filled the room and made everything around me seem more stifling than I wished it was.

After it was my turn in truth or dare, we stopped playing and took ourselves a few minutes to digest the truth that I hid for almost a month. I couldn't bring myself up to speak with anyone about it. It would only have come out an apology anyway. An "I'm sorry" as if that would make anything better or less painful.

Kai had left the room for a bit, probably to look out for Yeonjun. When he came back, he seemed more motivated to lift everybody's mood, so he announced to the four of us in the living room that we should go order some pizza and watch a movie in the midst of it.

Soobin agreed with a quick sentence. Out of my mouth only came a weak "Okay." and a nod that almost wasn't visible at all. Taehyun nodded more visibly than me, but that also was the only thing he had to add to that.

Beomgyu didn't respond to it at all. He stared at the table in front of him while hugging a small pillow close to his chest. When Kai ordered the pizza, he sat himself close to Beomgyu and said comforting things to him with a low voice. He was gentle with what he was doing and knew exactly what he had to say and how he needed to act to make Beomgyu feel better again. And it was working.

The rest of the evening, we were sitting either on the couch or in front of the living room table on the ground, eating the pizza Kai had ordered for all and watching the movie Taehyun had picked out in quietness by himself.

For that, even Yeonjun came back from where he went after the game had ended, eating with us all in utter silence. He didn't look at me just once and I was still convinced it was because he secretly thought it was my fault and that I was the problem. Why else would he feel so uncomfortable around me? That was the only reason.

And now I was laying on the edge of the couch, beside me Taehyun and Kai and on the floor, on some cheap mattresses, Beomgyu and Soobin, asking myself if I should really be here right now and where the hell Yeonjun was at the moment.

At a time where everyone should have been asleep by now, Yeonjun had stood up from his mattress and left the room yet again. I noticed because I was the only one except for Yeonjun to not have fallen asleep as well.

Maybe I should go and find him, ask him if he hates me and if I should go and leave the country. Another reason to hate me.

Suddenly, I heard the door to the living room open and I quickly closed my eyes even though he wouldn't have even noticed me being still awake. Yeonjun slipped through the door and quietly closed it again, tiptoeing over the two boys sleeping on the ground and making his way over to the couch, right between me and Taehyun.

I felt the couch giving in to the weight of another person laying himself behind me. Yeonjun took a piece of the blanket I was tucked into and covered himself up with it as well. I could feel one of his legs placing itself on top of mine, intertwining themselves to get closer to me.