The Possessive Psychopath

Chapter 35

Chapter 35: The Decision

Victoria Abbel's Point of View

Napatigil ako dahil sa sinabi ni Nikos.

"You're losing your sense of reality that's why you can't see your Dad not until now. You refused to see the image of your dad in your brain. And everyone knows what you've done. You are a slave of your emotions and imagination, Victoria. That's what makes you think that the world is always against you." I am not even aware of myself. Oh, God, what else do I need to know? And I can feel my body hurting inside. The emotions are just too overwhelming.

"But we're here not to blame you for it, we're actually here to help you. We are all worried. At sa tingin ko ay dapat na natin itong aksiyonan. Masyado na kaming maraming pinalipas na taon bago sabihin ito sa'yo. We thought it would be the best if we didn't do anything about it and let you continue your life in the dark. But not anymore." It only mean that I'm sick since then. I felt numb. Hindi ko na alam kung anong dapat kong maramdaman ngayon. Hearing Nikos right now turns my crying into sobs.

"I'm sorry,"

"Don't be sorry, Tori."

"Psychotic depression, huh?" How can an individual handle such heavy revelation? As if the image of my dad leaving our family inside my head is not enough? Is it true that I am making my own reality? Kahit ngayon ay nahihirapan na akong malaman kung ano ang totoo sa hindi. I suddenly felt confused. I tried to breathe deeply as possible, and since we were inside the car, I felt so uncomfortable.

"Should we get outside?" Nikos must see how uncomfortable I am right now. But I shook my head. I don't want to leave inside just yet. I'm not ready.

"Nikos, I don't know what to do."

"Of course. No one actually knows what to do. People who are suffering from it don't even know that they have psychotic depression."

"I think it's best to accept it, first. Accept that we have all darkness inside each of us and sometimes we lose control of it. And you don't have to be ashamed of it, Tori." Hindi namin namalayan ni Nikos na nasa loob na pala si Hiro. We're too preoccupied with our conversation and we aren't even aware that Hiro has been back inside the car. Kaya naman napatingin ako sa back seat.

"And you'll take an action to be better. With the help of professionals, of course." The idea of talking to other people made me panic. I don't think I can do that. It's too much for me to handle.

"Then, you will take your time to heal."

"But," bumaling ang atensiyon naming dalawa ni Hiro kay Nikos.

"We're giving you the right to choose and decide for that matter, Tori. It's up to you for making a healthy choice that is not only good for your body but as well as your mind. If you want help from a professional, Kalev can provide you with one."

"It's scary."

"It is," Hiro said because Nikos become silent all of the sudden.

"But you're not alone." Hiro gave me an assuring smile. And now, I keep on thinking about what they've said. I still don't know how to feel about having psychotic depression. That word just seems so heavy to take. And it's actually nice that they're not forcing me to do it. Nikos shot me an apologetic stare but he shook his head.

"And about Trevor..." My hand started to tremble again because Nikos opened the topic about him. I was too focused on Trevor that I forgot that I have my own life to live. I almost cried again.

When did everything go wrong? I wonder.

"I know he's scared of me." Inaalala ko kung ano ang pinagusapan namin. I clearly remember him telling me that I scared him. But he didn't elaborate it further because he wanted to wait for the concert. Is this what he wants to tell me? Kung ito lang din pala ang sasabihin niya ay bakit pa niya gustong patagalin?