The Possessive Psychopath

Chapter 40

Chapter 40: Lost for Words

Victoria Abbel's Point of View

Para akong binubuhusan ng isang timbang malamig na tubig dahil sa kanyang sinabi.

"Oh God," I whimpered. Still processing what he've told me. Trevor stood in front of me with a serious face.

"But, why now?" If he's talking to me in my teenage self, I should have been on cloud nine. I've been waiting for him to tell me this for all these years. Dapat masaya ako, diba?

Back then, I always imagine how would I react when Trevor asked me to be his girlfriend. I even practiced in front of the mirror how will I answer. There are a lot of phrases that I practiced saying. Some includes:

"Of course! I want to be your girlfriend!" Then I'll towards him in slow motion and he will lift me in the air and kiss me on my lips.

"You don't have to ask," and our lips will meet in the middle.

Or

"Yes! Yes! I'm in love with you too, Trevor." And we will seal our lips together. And if I was just a character in a book, I will be the real-life example of every author's fear: being cliché. A predictable one. But I don't mind being predictable.

Pero hindi ko akalain na darating ang araw na titingnan ko lang ang binata. I was confused by his actions and I want to ask him why? I mean we're in the middle of grilling barbecues. At may ilang usok na rin ang nakapaligid sa amin. And for sure I smelled like sand, seawater, smoke, or a combination of these three.

"Trevor, are you drunk?" I gave him a weird look, trying to figure him out. Umiling naman ang binata sa akin.

"I'm not drunk, Tori." He let out a deep sigh.

"You always knew that I hate you, right?" He asked. I nodded my head.

"Yes, you never failed to tell me how much you hate me." I tried to let out a chuckle, but my voice cracked. There's a pain inside me while remembering how many times Trevor told me how much he hates me to my core. I hate myself, too. Thank you Trevor for making me realize that.

"I felt like you made a version of me that doesn't exist, Tori." Trevor then looked away. Napatigil ako sa kinakatayuan ko. Is it really happening now? Maybe, Trevor is right. I've been trying to avoid him because I am afraid to know what he was going to tell me fourteen months ago. Isn't it having psychotic depression enough for me to know?

"I know. And it's because of my mental illness, Trevor. I think you already knew that I used to have psychotic depression, right?" That was what that illness do. It fucks your mind like crazy until you have nothing. Your reality will be distorted and you can't even pinpoint which is real and which is not.

"It's quite understandable why you didn't attend the concert, Tori."

"Nikos told me everything." I still remember what Nikos told me inside the car.

"Not precisely everything. I bet Nikos didn't even how I feel for you."

"What do you feel about me?"

"You make me feel things, Tori. That's why I hate it. I... didn't know when and how but I just woke up in the middle of the night and I want you in my arms. Victoria keep loving me, please. Don't let go. Don't worry this time, I'll love you back."

"Don't you think it's a little too late for that?" I felt strange looking at his handsome face now. I don't know how to react. If this is his love confession, I don't know what to say.

"Oh, Tori. There's never too late for love. If you only knew how many times I tried to tell you."

"Tell me what? Why can't you just be direct!"