The All-Knowing Eye [Yan!DSMP x Reader]

V | CHAPTER 37: Your soul, your mind, is my design | V

Your hands are shaking as you're typing, now in a break of conversation, preparing the machine. The portal. Your way out. The grey walls of the giant room are filled with all kinds of traps that only you can activate, because you bet that they will try to stop you once they realize what you're going to do. Dream may know already, but he's not going to be a trustworthy source to anyone, you're sure. Especially not after his last crime.

"I ordered Sam to take his heart away," you tell Aimsey, of whom you only have her head, sat up right on the table with her eyes closed, so you can still feel like she's here. It's not healthy, you know. But honestly, you've lost it all at this point and have come to peace with this. "I don't know why. Probably just for the message. How is one supposed to love without a heart, after all? Or maybe I tried to make everybody see how heartless he is. Or perhaps it was the thought of taking away something that he cared about too, although I don't know if he even gave a fuck about it. But I still did something. Not enough, but... It was something." You look over at Aimsey. You don't know why; she's not going to say anything, after all. Even if you had built her up again, she'd have no idea who Dream is, or what he has done to her. She'd just be a new soul with your daughter's broken body.

"I also scolded Sapnap for what he did. Cut off his thumb. Did it pretty much against his will and he refused to cooperate as well. Karl wanted to speak to me after it had happened too, but I didn't let him. I just took that man to the sandy parts of the Deserts with my car and while the soldiers held him down, I harmed him myself. And George, well..." For a moment, you stop typing as you stare at the screen, remembering what you wanted to say. "I fired him. Banned him from ever entering the Deserts again. He committed treason. Worked with two monsters just because he thought I'd come crawling to him. Oh, how wrong he was."

You stop typing when you notice that your left hand has gone entirely paralyzed. The tops of the gloves, which have now been cut off because of your long and unkept nails, show how your fingers have turned to a rather unhealthy colour, forcing you to take off the glove entirely to examine the problem. You already know what it is. It's just the sickness. And there's no cure.

"You should've seen Gogy's face when I made the decision," you chuckle, your metal fingers going over the blisters and rashes, a red parts of the latter slowly turning purple. "I'd like to say that he was genuinely hurt, but I don't think that'd be enough. No, he wasn't just hurt. He was heartbroken. As if I rejected him. Which I did, but if he wanted a less extreme one maybe he should've never allowed Dream to destroy you, you know?" Your voice breaks at the last sentence as you look at Aimsey again, for a moment thinking that she blinked, only for you to realize that it's just another hallucination. There are no tears as you admit the heart-wrecking truth, despite the destroying amount of sadness overflowing your mind. You've already cried too much, you bet.

"I know you probably disagree with some of my decisions. But you can't really say anything anymore now, anyway. Which sucks, because you were one of the very few people who I could actually trust. No, who I could actually love." You fall silent. "I wasn't a good parent, Aimsey, and I know that. I don't think it was ever meant for me to be a parent to begin with. But I did love you and I did genuinely care about you. I just hope you didn't die hating me. And I wish I knew before. At least our last interaction could've been one to cherish." Something falls on the table. It's blood. Another nosebleed. How great.

"You know, I'm going to be very honest with you. I don't know who I'm doing this for anymore. I mean, the portal thing." You sigh. "At first, I did it for Sally. But then, I created you. I wanted you to be the one to pull the lever too, eventually. I wanted you to make the final decision: would I go or would I not go? I hoped that maybe, if you had any doubts about going because you'd rather see me die than see me leave, you'd be able to decide against it. That you'd be the one to walk out of the control room and stop me. But now, it's just me. And I'm not going to stop either." You stop talking for a moment. "Maybe I'm doing this for myself. I have no idea what lies behind the portal, after all. I don't know if it's actually for time travel, or if it'll bring me to some kind of fucked up dimension. I really don't. But maybe, this is my ultimate way of escaping." Again, you allow a silence to fall. "Maybe I always tried to seem altruistic. Give possible selfless reasons, just to feel like I wasn't a bad person, even if it made me feel crazy instead. But in the end, I think it was just a selfish act. And I'm not even sure if that's what I feel bad about."