Not that bad // Rhea Ripley

10- Stressed Out

"Wish we could turn back time, to the good old days."

Twenty One Pilots

"You're doing what tonight?!" Michael yelled on the other side of the phone.

" I'm going to eat with Phil tonight." I repeated.

" That was not what we agreed on Roxy !" He sighed. "You said you were only going to take a coffee with him."

" I know, but we ended practice really late and it was then too late for coffee." I explained. "So he invited me to get some Chinese."

" I, just be careful Roxy please." He said gently.

" Don't worry, I don't want to fall in love again." I sighed. "I know he's only here for a few weeks. I agreed because I have a lot of questions in my mind that need answers."

" Okay, you'll explain us tomorrow during skateboard time?" He asked hope in his voice.

" Of course, I wouldn't miss that for the world !"

We hang up and I started getting prepared for tonight, nothing too fancy, but still more than what I wear everyday. I checked myself on the mirror, and then checked the time on my alarm clock. 7:28. I grabbed my jacket and went downstairs. The bell rang at that moment. Phil and punctuality, the greatest friends of all time. I kissed my mother and went to open the door. There was Phil, dressed in casual, jeans, a t-shirt and a jacket, and converse. I suddenly felt way overdressed. I closed the door behind me.

" Wow, you look really pretty Roxanne, as always." He said smiling. "Is it okay if we walk to dinner? It's not that far away."

" No, I actually would rather go walking I don't really know how you would drive." I laughed. "And thank you, you don't look too bad yourself."

" I had never seen you in a skirt before." He looked at my outfit. "Such a shame, it looks good on you."

" Well, I started wearing them only recently." I said, kind of ashamed of the scars I had on all my body. "I've not always been really comfortable with my body, and I only started feeling better about it last year."

" I'm really happy for you." He confessed. "I remember that when we were together, you had a really tough time looking at yourself in the mirror, no matter how many times a day I told you you were the prettiest thing I had ever seen."

I kinda blushed and looked away, but we arrived at the Chinese place. We both sat down face to face at a table, and I took my jacket off. I saw Phil studying my arms with attention. I had some remaining scars of what I did to my body when he left, but they were fading away, and were barely noticeable.

"Can I ask something ?" He started.

" If what you wanna know is ' Did I do that because you left"? The answer is yes." I cut him off. "But don't go on the apologies and how you feel bad, I don't need that, it's in my past now."

" Okay, sorry for asking." He looked down and started playing with his hands. "So, to change the topic, you have changed a lot since, two years ago."

" Yeah, and you haven't changed a bit." I laughed. "Except for maybe gaining some muscle."

" I also got some piercings." He chuckled. "But thanks for noticing my heavenly body."

We both laughed a lot, when I saw Michael, Ashton, Calum and Luke entering the restaurant. How could that be, that can't be a coincidence. There isn't a lot of Chinese restaurants around where we live, and I told Michael I was going there. I hope he is not spying on me, or else he will hear from me soon.

Michael Clifford's POV

She's sitting there with Phil. I know what I'm doing is a dick move, but I wanna make sure she's okay. I remember how she fell head over heels for that guy, and I know she never forgot him, even though she says otherwise. We're not going to stay here to spy on her, just ordering and then going back to my place. When we arrived, they were laughing like nothing happened, like he never left. This guy as a horrifying power on her. She doesn't even look mad at him. I tried not to look too much at her while we were ordering our food.

" Did you want to get Chinese just because she's here?" Ashton scolded.

" Yep." I said sheepishly. "I don't trust this guy, I have never trusted him."

" Michael you need to stop, except for him leaving, he has never ever hurt her, or even did something she wouldn't appreciate." Calum reasoned me. " You can find any reasons in the world, he's a good guy."

" Yeah, If you say so."

Roxanne Colton's POV

It felt great to be like that with Phil again. Maybe I'm blinded by the love I still have for him. The waiter arrived and we ordered.

" Oh, you kept our bracelet?" Phil asked.

" Yeah, i really like it." It was a pretty leather bracelet, Phil and I have the same. "I still think it's pretty so ..."

" Don't worry." He showed me his wrist. "I still have mine too. I only take it off when I wrestle, so It doesn't get damaged."His eyes darted from the counter to me. "Hey, aren't the guys at the counter your friends ?"

" Yes they are." I sighed.

" They're looking after you right ?" He asked. "I understand them, I hurt you a lot in the past, and trust me, I'm truly sorry about that, and I'm here to answer any question you have about that, I promise. I know I'm not forgiven, and probably never will be, but I don't want you to hate me."

" First of all I wanna know why you left, and why did you leave without a word to me, I thought I was precious to you, and that you loved me."

" I did love you, of course, I still do !" He confessed. "My departure was pretty quick, my parents decided to move out a long time ago, and only told me a month before the flight. I have searched for numerous ways to tell you, I've pondered about that for weeks, and soon, it was one week before our flight. And at that point, I knew I couldn't bring myself to tell you anymore. I also knew you would be heartbroken, but, I was a selfish little bastard, and decided that I wouldn't be here to see it, and that it would probably hurt less for me. I also hoped you would hate me, and that it would make it easier for you." He blurted out. "I know saying that I'm sorry won't solve anything, but I want you to know it, I really am sorry. If I could redo things, trust me, I would not have done them this way. I guess at 18 I still wasn't mature enough."

" I understand, as weird as it seems." I said gently. "And know that I've never hated you. I actually thought you were the one hating on me. The year after you left was really though, I became depressed, lost like 20 kg, starting hurting myself. I only started to get back last year. I continued jiujitsu but it was not the same, and it was really hard, I didn't want to continue anymore, because you weren't here, and I lost so much weight that fighting was horrible. But why didn't you contact me when you were away ?"

" I thought about doing it everyday, trust me." He admitted. "But I never had the balls too, and one day, I realized I had left a year and a half ago, and thought 'She probably has moved on, I don't want to bring back bad memories' and so I never called."

The waiter arrived with our orders, bringing the conversation to an end. It was good actually because I didn't know what to respond, to be honest. I wanted answers, I got them, there's nothing to add. I think there's other questions I want to ask, but none of them seem important right now.