Not that bad // Rhea Ripley

81 - High Enough

 "I only, I only, I only got eyes for you"

K.Flay

Let me tell you, I spent the worst fucking night of my entire life. Her words started echoing through my head every time I tried to close my eyes. What did that mean? I know it was probably just friendly, friends can say 'I love you', but the real question was, why did it make me feel weird like that. And not like an uneasy kind of weird, a butterflies in the stomach kind of weird. Shit, everything is so weird. At around 7 a.m, I decided to text Michael, my love counselor.

From Roxanne, 7:25:

"Hey, u asleep?"

"I'm having an existential crisis and I kinda need you?"

From Michael, 7:32:

"Yea, what's going on."

From Roxanne, 7:32:

"Okay don't freak out"

"And I'm saying that bc I am freaking out right now"

"have been since a few hours, but yeah"

"Demi may or may not have said 'I love you' yesterday while falling asleep???"

From Michael, 7:35:

"Well, I mean, it's so obvious that she's into you Roxanne."

From Roxanne, 7:35:

"And I know it was probably in a friendly way"

"Wait what? The fuck are you saying Clifford??"

From Michael, 7:37:

"Don't play dumb."

"She got so flustered when you were touchy with her yesterday, how could you not notice."

"The look in her eyes when you were singing, I almost got jealous no one ever looked at me like that."

"We even talked about that with the boys in the bus, she likes you baby"

From Roxanne, 7:42:

"Michael I swear if you're pulling a prank on me, I'm going to kill you."

"I've never done that, I don't know, it's just"

"I never felt that way for another girl, and I don't know why but it's scary?"

"I felt like those weird butterflies thingy, for a half asleep and probably not meant 'I love you'"

From Michael: 7:50 a.m:

"Like I would play you on a serious subject like that."

"Ask Phil if you don't believe me, if he's seen you both more than 20 minutes, he'll know too."

"Come on, ask him, I'll wait."

I groaned, and glanced at Demi, to check that she was still very much asleep. I clicked on Phil's conversation, and erased my message like 5 times before sending it.

From Roxanne, 8:02 a.m:

"Hey, serious question, Michael said he thinks Demi has a thing for me."

From Phil, 8:06 a.m:

"And he's right. But don't tell Demi I told you."

"She definitely has a crush on you though, she told me."

I put my phone down on the side for a bit, trying to process the information. Knowing that an incredible woman like Demi liked me felt absolutely amazing. I also found her very attractive, and liked to be with her. I often felt that need to be touchy with her, and have her close to me, to protect her even sometimes. Shit. That sounds an awful lot like a crush. I just texted Michael back with Phil's response, and decided to get up, so I could get some fresh air on the balcony of the hotel room. I grabbed a sweater and got out as quietly as I could, to not wake Demi up. I stayed outside for a moment, just trying to get it together. Maybe I liked Demi more than a friend, but all my relationships have been total disasters, and I can't afford to lose Demi as well. But what if she was actually right for me. What if things were different this time. Maybe I was missing on something. As I scratched my head, I heard the door open and close behind me, and my heart started racing.

"Roxanne, is everything okay?" She sympathetically asked. "You're going to get cold out here."

Since she pointed it out, I realized my hands were turning purple due to the cold of February mornings, even with the heavy sweater on.

"Yeah, we should head back inside." I smiled a little, leading her inside the bedroom. The atmosphere was weird, and I hated that with a passion. "Did-Did you sleep well?" I despised small talk.

"Y-yeah, pretty good, thank you." She seemed out of it, and preoccupied as well. "Listen there's something I've been wanting to ask you about. But it's kind of scary to ask." She played with her fingers, and I grew even more nervous with her. "Have you ever dated a girl?"

"W-what?" I didn't really expect this question. "No, no I have never dated a girl." Her face shut down almost instantly. "But that doesn't mean I would be against it, I mean, I don't think so."

"H-huh?" She stumbled on her words. "Have you ever like, considered it?"

"I'm going to be completely honest, 2 months ago, the answer would have been no, without a doubt." I licked my lips, trying to think of what to say, and especially how to say it. "But lately, that answer's turning into a yes."

Her face was puzzled, as if she was trying to decide if what I had just said was good for her or not. She resumed playing with her fingers, and biting her lips nervously.

"Does that mean .." She started.

"It means that I do feel more than friendly towards you, but because of everything my poor little heart's been through, I want to take things slow." As images flew through my mind, I choked on some tears, and I smiled through it. "I'm so fucking scared of relationships Demi, you can't imagine."

"No, no, don't cry." She wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer to her. "I like you Roxanne, I really do, and I'm not about to pressure you into anything. I understand what you've been through, and how scarred it has left you."

"You're an incredible human being Demi Bennett." I wiped a tear and smiled. "I want to try, if you're willing to try with me."

"Of course I am." She chuckled. "Fuck, I'm sorry but I've had a crush on you for the longest time."

"Shut up!" I pushed her a little. "I'm going to blush so hard."

"Well then go ahead, you're pretty when you blush." I blushed even harder, and almost choked, making her panic. "Shit, did I go to far? I'm so bad at this flirting, and everything stuff as well."

"Nah, it was sweet." I reassured her. "It's been a long time since I had someone hit on me to be fair."

"Well, get prepared I guess?" She teased. "Is there boundaries you want to set?" The sweet question made my stomach do flips.

"I don't know, let's just go with the flow?" I scratched at my arm out of nervousness. "I'm just afraid I'll hurt you, if like, you want to initiate something and I'm not ready."

"Well then, just say it." She grabbed my hand so I'd stop. "Just tell me that, and I'll know it's not you pushing me away."

"Will do then." I nodded. "Is it okay if this stays between us for now?"

"I was going to ask you the same thing, so I guess we're good."