When Zee tries to forget about the past, NuNew becomes his best company and someone who will try to heal Zee's broken heart, meanwhile Saint still regrets what he has done to his best friend. Max and Zee thinks that they won't see Saint ever again b...
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I wanted someone to love, I wanted someone to come into my life to save me. I wanted that someone to stop me from doing something that disgusted me. I wanted a lot, maybe too much. Maybe it's karma and I was an asshole in a past life and now it's backfired on me. I wanted to howl with despair, but I couldn't give up. Mix and Earth went out of their way to help me. There were also Perth Nakhun and Lay Talay Sanguandikul, two friends who played together in the BL series. It would be difficult for me without them. Even now writing about it is incredibly difficult, but I know I have to do it, and I have to do it now, right now, before something slips from my memory or turns into something else. Memories have the ability to change.
That's why I'm sitting in my room writing more sentences. Mix thinks it'll help me, that's what I need. How funny! We've never been close, and yet Mix seems to care about me. I wonder how much he knows about me? Or maybe he knows everything and that's why he is like this? Maybe he feels sorry for me?
My heart breaks.
I miss Zee so damn much, I miss Nat... Even a little bit for Max, that withdrawn and introvertedrecluse Natasitt calls his boyfriend. They're a very sweet couple, I used to tease them sometimes by pretending to throw up while they had their sweet moments... I mean, I'm already throwing up rainbows because of both of you. But they were my friends. On the other hand, I met Earth on the set of one of the series, in which I also played the main character. Later, Earth introduced me to Mix. When I started my talent school for talented pupils and students, I wanted to have Mix and Earth at my place, but both were already bound by contracts with their labels.
I listen to songs and suddenly the meaning of one of them hits me... And I feel even more lonely, unnecessary. I keep getting into trouble.
Yesterday I learned something that shocked me. I have to write about it. I realize the ramifications of revealing this if something causes this text file to fall into the wrong hands, but I can't leave it at that, not now that I know others have suffered the same as me. This monster has to be stopped somehow, even if it costs my life, I don't care, Zee has left me anyway and I will never be able to talk to him again...
I drink another coffee, I don't even know which one anymore, I don't eat, I have no appetite, if anything, I force myself to do so when I'm in someone's company. I saw myself in the mirror this morning, I know I'm starting to look like a wreck and that's how I feel, but then I have to go to work, put a smile on my face, pants, shirt and shoes and leave as usual. Then, at work, I forget about everything, focus on current tasks and somehow move forward.
And today I have to write it all down.
It's not easy.
How could I forget something like that? I did something very wrong, I feel remorse, I regret it, today maybe I would do it differently, maybe I would tell Zee everything and we would figure something out together, but then I was too scared, I was stupid and maybe a little shocked, I didn't think logically and now I have effects. Well, I can't turn back time, but I'll try to find a way to fix everything. I can see that he is close with this new actor, New Chawarin, I would like to talk to the young man, warn him to stay away from our world and from Zee.
