Don't Be Afraid To Ask

*45* Khaotung

I was awakened by someone's calm voice and a touch on my shoulder.  I slowly opened my eyes and saw a familiar figure above me.  I rubbed my sleepy eyes to see Annie more clearly.

— Kao, go home to sleep, I'll sit with him — She suggested.  She put the bag of fruit on the cabinet next to it.  I shot a quick glance at First, but he was sleeping like the dead, not reacting to anything.  As gently as I could, I freed my hand from his.  I touched his forehead, and as I dug my fingers into his hair, I discovered to my horror that a good handful of them remained in my fist.  I quickly removed my hand.  I felt ashamed and terrified.  If even such a small gesture could do so much damage, maybe I shouldn't touch it at all?  I was scared, I was fucking scared of hurting him, and I didn't want that.  I have been with him constantly for the last almost six years, we have been through a lot together.

— „Just friends“  — Annie mimicked me. — They don't look at each other that way, „just friends“ don't hold hands the way you do.  Kao, sis, I think it's time to face the truth.  The longer you run from it, the worse it gets.  You can hurt him this way or even lose him forever.

She smiled at me as like she knew what was going on in my head.

— I don't want to tell him anything right now, I don't want him to make impulse decisions, I don't want him to tell me something he doesn't really feel — I explained.  — Maybe I've loved him for a long time, you're right about that, but I can't tell him that. Also... I don't know if you know a person like P'Sky, but... He manages our careers and contracts and we'd be screwed...

— Wait... P'Sky? I know him from the worst side, but... Who is he for real?

—  He is said to be a mafia boss, he used to be a drug dealer, but when the BL industry became as profitable and he was able to convince young actors to sign contracts with him, he switched to it.

— Kao... I'll tell you a secret, but promise me you'll keep it to yourself.

— Sure, I promise. — I held out my hand to her, my little finger sticking out.  She furrowed her brow for a moment before reassuring herself.  Apparently, she already learned our Thai way of making promises.

— The point is... Me, Saint, and P'Mark are conducting our own investigations into P'Sky, but we're still gathering evidence.  I have a bad feeling there's something too quiet.  The first day after First's hospitalization, when Saint and I came back from him, someone pushed a large  shopping cart in our direction.  Saint played the hero as usual, and when he saved me, he got a little bit hurt.  We all know it's someone from P'Sky, but we don't have any proof.  If you know him, maybe you can help us?

— Sure, I'll do what I can.  I just don't know what you expect from me?

— Oh, it's simple.  If you ever talk to this asshole, try to provoke him somehow and record it.

— That can be tricky because when we go to talk to him, his jock usually confiscates our phones.

— Wait... I think... I guess you're not the only one who can't bring the phone.  I guess... Let me think who it was... I guess... It's probably P'Zee, I mean Zee Pruk, he can never have a phone with him, but NuNew is never checked.

— If so, why don't you send New on this assignment?

— If only it were that simple — She sighed.

We'd been walking the hospital corridor for over fifteen minutes now, talking about everything, but no one was paying us any attention here.  Here I wasn't the famous actor from the BL series, I was just Kao, the boy who visited his sick friend.  Everyone here had their own story, their burdens to carry.  We passed many people, some were patients, others were just visiting them.  Doctors, nurses and nurses were walking fast in colorful aprons.  There were conversations, the beeping of heart monitors, footsteps, groans of pain, and sobs.  Places like this always gave me goosebumps.