Don't Be Afraid To Ask

*37* NuNew

— Do you remember how many times we've been accused of really doing everything for money? —  Zee asked, and I just smiled faintly, though I wasn't laughing at all.  Annie answered.  But how she knew all this, I had no idea.  We strolled leisurely along the path through the trees, breathing in the fresh air and recharging our batteries for another week of hard work.  We had extremely difficult scenes to record.

— It wasn't even the worst.  I remember one time I was scrolling through instagram and I found out that you both got COVID.  I felt that something stinks there for me and I started to read your stories carefully, I even talked to Daria, although she thought that if you say so, I should rather believe you and... Guys... You know, I'm really sorry!  I know that as a fan I should believe you guys, but...

— Annie, don't worry so much about it.  We're not angry about that, are we, Zee? — I looked towards my on-screen partner, trying to telepathically get him to back me up.  Zee just nodded but said nothing.  He was looking at our interlocutor as if he wanted to X-ray her.  I had to keep myself from kicking him in the leg to keep him cool.  Annie must have noticed his look by now, which was probably why it was hard for her to say anything.  Zee this time showed an exceptional lack of sense.  It disappointed me a bit.  Not for the first time, but I understood that a relationship is about knowing each other's strengths and weaknesses and accepting them.

— Anyway, I still don't know if you were really sick then.

— Not at all!  It was the time of Loy Krathong, a holiday celebrated in our country on the full moon in the twelfth month of the Thai lunar calendar.  We wanted to take part in it together, but P'Sky punished us for something and didn't let us go together.  He used the still-existing COVID pandemic as an excuse — Zee explained, plucking a twig from a nearby tree.  The topic still irritated him.  Especially since we could only look at photos of our friends on Instagram who went to the festival and celebrated together.

— Oh, that's why! But... Forgive me, I guess I'll never understand: what's wrong with being LGBT in an industry that makes boys love shows?  After all, that should be an advantage, shouldn't it?  After all, who knows better how to play an LGBT person than someone who is part of the community themselves?

— Apparently, straight actors don't feel comfortable in our company! — I snorted.

— Nonsense!  Why the hell are these people auditioning for a BL show if they can't accept someone like us?! — Annie exclaimed.

— Relax, Annie, we're used to it by now — Zee tried to comfort her.

* * *

The next week passed quite calmly.  I even had the impression that it was too calm, and after talking to the others, I realized that I was not the only one who thought so.  Annie, Saint, Jimmy, Yim and Tutor also sensed something was in the air.  It was the calm before the storm.

In the meantime, Annie appeared on the set of our series much less frequently.  Now she spent her days taking care of First.  She explained that she had time, and thanks to that Khaotung would be able to perform with us.  We quickly became friends with Khao.  He was a very modest, cheerful boy who knew the hardships of life in the BL industry.

We came back to my house very late that evening.  My head was still full of the events of the day and I couldn't help but analyze everything.  Sometimes I think way too much, then I'm glad to have someone like Zee next to me, who distracts me from drowning in sometimes very gloomy thoughts that could so easily drag me to the very bottom.  I couldn't help being an extremely sensitive person.

On the screen, with tons of makeup, the right filters, and the right lighting, we both looked great, but when we got home and washed off the makeup, you could see how tired and dry the skin underneath was.  I was slowly starting to take up the Polish stance on makeup, and while I loved it and it helped me transform into the person I was going to become on stage or in front of the camera, I was now wondering if maybe we shouldn't actually cut it down a bit.