Nameless - [jihan]

CHAPTER 18

Jeonghan's pov

The next week passed by quickly as uni assignments took most of our time. We all had projects and homework to finish by the end of the week and now it was finally Saturday.

Other than that there was something on my mind the whole week.

Something that actually left me sleepless the entire time.

The whole week surely passed by quickly but Joshua never came to any classes.

The whole week's been without his presence. And the thing was that no one except Hoshi knew where he was. He left no message to anyone, not even me.

Hoshi told me he went over to visit his brother which lives far away.

But I just couldn't believe it.

How could my boyfriend leave me hanging like that out of sudden?

On Monday afternoon I went to check at his place to see if he actually was home and was just ignoring me and Hoshi responded to the door bell telling me about his visit to his brother.

Even texting Joshua was useless since he kept leaving me on seen with no response whatsoever.

And now, finally Saturday, Hoshi said he was coming back.

I guess he took a long and relaxing vacation without telling anything to me.

To his boyfriend.

Ring ring.

I hurriedly stood up and went to open the door and there were Hoshi and Joshua standing.

The latter just stood there trying to avoid my questioning gaze.

No hug? No kiss?

I looked at him confused as I followed to hug him. But he didn't move a finger.
Joshua wasn't hugging me back.

"Come come please y'all!" Woozi quickly came to let them in as I just didn't know what to do and stood there staring.

Was he perhaps mad? Did something happen to his brother?

I kept having this type of questions as they flew through my restless mind.

They followed to put down their coats on the hanger.

"Hi!" Jun yelled with a huge smile plastered on his face as Minghao was busy snacking from behind him, gripping on his boyfriend's sleeve. He softly smiled at Hoshi and Joshua whose upper corners of their mouths formed a soft grin.

Now it was all of us in my dorm apartment.

Joshua, Seungcheol, Jun, Minghao, Woozi and Hoshi were in the kitchen meanwhile me, Wonwoo, Mingyu, Dokyeom, Minghao, Chan, Vernon and Seungkwan were in the living room.

I was still baffled at Joshua's reaction as I couldn't really figure out what was going on with him.

I headed to the kitchen, where the others were, to grab some beers for us and as I got in I noticed Joshua was sitting there. He didn't look at me whatsoever, it was like I never came in, completely dodging my glare.

I reached to him now, to at least calm my mind off.

"Uhm Joshua can you come for a sec?" I asked him. He faintly nodded and stood up to come with me.

We went to my room and we both sat on the bed.

"So what's the matter?" I finally spoke.

No response.

"Did I do something bad?" I added.

Silence.

"Maybe" he replied. He looked at me.

"Are you and Seungcheol a thing?" He hurriedly asked, trying to quench his obvious curiosity.

WHAT?

Seungcheol and I?

All I could do was hardly smile at what he just said. It sounded like a joke to me and I genuinely hoped this didn't have to do anything with his silent treatment.

He ain't that silly after all.

I think?

"Of course" Joshua continued with a bitter smile on his face, "I should've expected that".

He added after I didn't reply to his question.

I glanced at him, puzzled at what he just stated.

"Joshua you must be kidding right?" I responded bitterly smiling, still trying to figure out what he just said.

"I'm serious Jeonghan" he quickly stood up, to head outside.

"We're obviously not dating Joshuji" I hurriedly said as he stopped in front of the door.

I came closer to him. I was now standing in front of him.

"I want you to know that no matter what you think, or what you might have heard, that I really like you. I'm not even joking. I have never experienced something even close to what we have now, I really wish you never ignored me like you did" I paused, "...For a whole week" I hardly emphasized, "I care too much about you that I would never do such a thing to you" I added.

He looked at me trying to comprehend what i was saying.

"All that's ever happened between Seungcheol and I was a kiss. A peck on the lips. And it was a dare, it wasn't even purely intentional" I continued.

"I see" Joshua replied, looking down. He slightly blushed as he realized what he did.

"I'm sorry I ignored you" he continued. "After I heard you were going grocery shopping with Seungcheol, and also seeing you two so close and having such chemistry I got a little jealous. That was really childish and I feel mortified now. I'm so sorry Jeonghan for causing you such trouble." Joshua paused.

He now looked at me.

"It actually makes me wonder..." Joshua paused as he gazed around the room, gathering his thoughts.

"What if we're not meant to be? What if it doesn't work out in the end? I'm scared of myself. I'm scared I'm just wasting your time Jeonghan. I'm terrified I might hurt you one day" Joshua said. His tone seemed worried. I glanced at him, attempting to meet his gaze.

He turned to the door again, ready to leave.

I could see a tear drop had formed in the corner of his right eye. I noticed he was trying his best to hide it after he made that statement.

But I just couldn't let it go. I had to say something. I needed to say something to him.

But what if he doesn't care now?

What if it hurts him even more?

I grabbed his hand, stopping his way through the door.

"Joshua?"